Author: callmetati

A 30something who has many many thoughts on life, love, and taking control of your career! I also rant about things that I'm passionate about, and will occasionally dabble in what's going on in the world. I write poetry, paint, and love hiking with my girlfriend. I'm all about keeping your zen, finding balance, and spreading love and positivity. There are so many changes we're facing as a society in the world these days, so I just want to write about them! Love & Light! -Tati

Unplugged • Social Distancing

It’s that time again… Every once in a much needed while, I decide when it’s necessary for me to take a social media break. A ‘social time-out’ or ‘pause’ if you will. Most recently I’ve felt that this break was definitely needed. Today is Sunday, and after a day jam packed full of adulting, I decided to do absolutely nothing with my girlfriend… Because self care, and on this day of relaxation, I found the need to write about what it means to remove yourself from the *other ‘social atmosphere’. Sometimes you just HAVE to unplug🔌

Yesterday I spent the majority of my day at the motor vehicle service agency. I actually went to 2 different locations, because I realized the first location I went to was suddenly no longer taking registration renewals (which is what I came for). In all fairness, I was prepared lol. However, there was a lesson learned that I think applies to many of us 20/30Somethings:

We must continue to remind ourselves that we have to adapt to any and every situation we face in life. Remember to flow through and take what comes gracefully. That way you effectively manage your balance in the moment, and manifest ideal outcomes

So as I previously stated, Saturday morning I went to the first motor vehicle station. Stood on line for nearly 3 hours, to find out that they were not doing registration renewals that day…

…Drove out 30 minutes or so to the next motor vehicle service station and waited for about another 3 hours in multiple lines — but I renewed my registration! I also managed to get my inspection done, and passed❤️. I people watched quite a bit, and it was such a funny/interesting experience (because I haven’t had much face-to-face group interaction in a whiiiile). I don’t know why, but Riding Dirty by Chamillionaire kept playing in my head all day. Saturday, Adulting at its finest.

Responsibilities aka Sponserberleries

Going back to ‘social distancing’ — Most recently I’ve been focusing on taking better care of myself, from all angles. With this in mind, I thought it might help to put a bit of a pause on social media. Time spent, needs to be limited when you’re just checking the same apps over and over again, too frequently, and dealing with Real Life Sh*t all at once (we need to be present). I’ve also been working on awareness, so social media breaks are necessary, since they’re easy distractions, and gateways to content rabbit holes 🕳 . One minute you’re reading an article on Vanity Fair, the next, you’re looking at a vlogger’s 5th conspiracy theory video on YouTube.

The other day, I got on one of the social apps I browse through often, and saw that someone posted negative hate comments regarding the lgbtq+ community under one of the photos posted of my girlfriend and I. Of course I deleted the comments and blocked the account, but I just thought to myself “What the hell is wrong with some people?”

I personally feel that with everything going on in the world right now… All of the heavy societal issues, on top of personal life and work responsibilities… Adapting to life during a pandemic, all during a moment that will change the course of this nation for the next 4 years, coupled with all of the other pressures 2020 has place upon everyone in the world… It was just time to disconnect.

What I love about social media, is its unique way of bringing information to people while also building likeminded connections and networks. I also love its ability to develop a space for people to create and share artistic ways of expression, using a variety of platforms to highlight important topics. The information well is endless! However I’ve learned, that by checking Twitter, Insta, Facebook (pick your poison), too often, this results in Information Overload.

Sometimes you have to silence the “socials”

Many people temporarily deactivate their accounts, delete the apps, and come back to them when they’re ready. I simply just don’t open them up until a decent amount of time has passed, and that’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I’ve been trying to stay present. I do have to admit, that I pop on Twitter here and there, and have obviously started this draft on WordPress, so I haven’t eliminated outreach content completely (writer’s problems I suppose). However, there’s a certain energy that comes with some of the other apps that are mainly for Show & Tell. You know the ones…

I needed a break, so I took one. Not sure when I’ll be back on and in tune with what’s trending, but for now, I’d like to stay present and aware of my surroundings. I’m also focusing on staying healthy, working on mindfulness and the thoughts I tell myself within each and every moment. I’ve been very involved in caring for our plants, writing when I feel the urge to, painting recently which was fun, and exploring nature when I’m able to.

Some of our plant babies 🌱💛💚

To be completely honest and transparent, I’ve had to reel myself back in to get it together and focus on my peace. Stress is never healthy, and it can have impacts on you in many ways, so I’ve been making more time for me. Taking any breaks that I can from anything that’s overexerting my energy, doing more of what makes me happy, listening to myself (and being aware of the narrative), I’ve even given myself a hug, because I can be very hard on myself — but I’m working on that.

I swore I wasn’t going to get political in this post, but I’ve been watching the ‘dueling town halls’ and election debates that have been airing recently, and I can’t believe we’re actually here, but we are. With everything going on in the senate, and attempts being made to roll back progress on how far we’ve come with human rights… It’s upsetting. Right now, we run the risk of women losing their personal right to choice in regards to reproductive rights.

The LGBTQ+ community is on edge, as many of us are planning to get married and build beautiful families with our partners.. With certain laws and rights taken away from us, we run the risk of A: Putting our future plans on hold -or- B: Just doing away with those plans entirely 😩.. This is so discouraging and unsettling, because we deserve the right to live our lives and build our families, without government officials standing in the way of that.

Yet the current state of power and potential redirection of rights, suggests that we could be at risk of losing a lot of what we’ve fought so hard for… This is why we have to do all that we can to collectively come together to make sure our voices are heard. We need positive change with effective action and a side of justice (heavy on the justice). Don’t even get me started on the electoral (what year is this?) college… I’ve said this before, but this all feels like we’re watching a bad reality show, that you can’t turn off, and yet — this is real life. Yet again, there is still so much to be grateful for.

We just have to make the absolute best of each and every moment in life, because everyone’s journey is different, and your problems could be minuscule, in comparison to someone else dealing with different challenges. I have had many moments of gratitude throughout each day. I vocally give thanks for all of the blessings in my life, and when I’m dealing with moments of creeping anxiety, I light palo santo, take a few deep breaths, relax my shoulders and my eyebrows, and calm my mind for clarity before changing the channel.

Writing is very therapeutic for me, so it helps. My girlfriend is also freaking ah-MAY-zing, and has been so loving and supportive, as I ride through these emotions 🎢 . She’s riding with me through it all, and I’m so grateful for the beautiful energy she continues to bring into my life. This Tuesday there’s going to be a meteor shower, so we’re planning to watch it. I’m excited for that. I also would LOVE to REALLY unplug and go off the grid with Babe. Away in a beautiful woodsy area, preferably by a lake tucked in a cute little autumn foliage vibe filled forest.

We have something planned for her birthday. A tiny home in upstate New York in the woods. We can’t wait! I plan to blog about it when we get back🧡. It’s going to be the getaway we need, although I’m yearning for something that we can do sooner. So many people have been traveling to other countries, I guess before Miss Rona gets worse? (We’re also starting to see spikes in certain parts of the country) I’m not sure we’re quite there yet, ready to travel outside of the country that is. I’ll have to feel a lot more reassured before making a traveling move like that any time soon.

For now I’m focused on my peace, mental and physical health, finding my balance, maintaining awareness and/or mindfulness, and surrounding myself with *Only The Good Things.

This was truly a lazy Sunday. I loved absolutely everything about it. I’m so very grateful. Cherish the day✨

If you’ve happened to come through and make it all the way down this post, thank you so much for reading! Stay safe. Be kind to yourself. Make it a habit to pause anything that’s draining your energy and care for YOU, whatever that may look like: Meditation, going for a run, cooking, artistic creation, caring for your plants, journaling…

Have a wonderful week.

Affirmation: This will be a great week. I will navigate through each and every moment gracefully. I will control my storyline by paying attention to the narrative, and by making the best decisions for me. Taking the time I need to, when I need to. All is well.

Love & Light ❤

-Tati

Bi Week Is Upon Us!

Happy #BiWeek 2020!

In the wonderful words of Diana Ross — “I’m coming OUT!” Happy Saturday, from my little office nook. I want to give a big virtual hug and hello to my LGBTQ+ family!! This week is #BiWeek or Bisexual Awareness Week, and although many of us have been pretty distant when it comes to social gatherings in 2020, because COVID, a significant amount of us are still celebrating in our own way and bringing awareness to this week, virtually. 

So what is BiWeek anyway???...

GLAAD provides great definition and context around this week of awareness. The actual day of recognition is September 23, but each year from 9/16 through 9/23 we celebrate, support, and highlight the history and importance of those within the bisexual community. Resource centers and publications such as GLAAD and Out Magazine have used their platform to truly shine a light on the community from historical milestones, to the current battles bisexual men and women face within the community, as it relates to owning their sexuality – I am one of them!…

MY STORY --- to make a long story short (If I can, because I'm chatty lol)

My mother has always been sexually fluid, so I grew up within the LGBTQ+ community since I was about 3 years old, and she was always very open with me about her sexuality, so I never questioned it or judged her negatively (some of my most pleasant memories growing up, were spent surrounded by those within the LGBTQ+ family). So yeah, I get it from my mama!

Fast forward to my earlier 20s, I had always been attracted to women and men, but had only been in romantic relationships with men up until about 20yrs old. Maybe I secretly just thought that every woman had that level of appreciation for the beauty of other women —but just not all, in a romantic way (if that even makes sense). So I started dating my first girlfriend around this age. I’d say it was about the time I noticed myself getting extra cute/ready in the mirror before hangin out with her, that I realized I had more of an attraction for her in a romantic way versus just platonic friendship.

I basically came out to my mother in a car ride, when I told her I was beginning to like someone.. a girl. She knew who that girl was, and when I told her we were in a relationship, she was not surprised at all — haha! She basically drew the assumption that we were dating before I even told her (I was spending so much time with the girl, and she was already out, so this was an idea she already developed in her mind, before I even spoke to her). I didn’t feel weird at all telling my mother, because she had always been so open with me about her sexuality, so acceptance came in the form of her just hugging me and smiling. I came out to my father about 2 years ago, officially. He is also very accepting, and loves my current girlfriend (which I couldn’t be more happier about).

I know that there are so many other women and men in our community that do not receive the same level of understanding from their parents/loved ones when they come out, so I am very grateful for these moments. I’m also very grateful for the level of awareness that this week brings. So many of us can take this time to educate ourselves, and receive support in a variety of ways (support groups, LGBTQ+ led events/hotlines, articles etc.)

Wow I said this was going to be short, OK!

Fast forward once more — That relationship didn’t work out, and after riding the struggle bus on and off for about 3-4 years with my first girlfriend, I literally swore off lesbian relationships! It was great until it was TOXIC af, to sum it up. Many of us have been there, and we’re not proud, but it is what it is. I had a lot of healing to do after that relationship crashed and burned. I was single (dating men only) on and off for about 10 years. Yes, I was dating, but there were moments when I just wanted to be left alone, and not even date at all, and work on myself.

After a few hopeful thoughts and potential ideas (these are the men I dated), my single self was just randomly browsing my instagram story one day, and I viewed my (now girlfriend) crush’s story — she was using a kitty filter, and she looked SO freaking cute. I slid in the DM, as the kids say, and the rest was history! Sarina is her name, she’s literally my FORVER, my person, my twin flame, my best friend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. This is about to sound very cheesy, but you know how they say, “You meet that one person and you just KNOW instantly why it didn’t work out with anyone else”? This statement is SO true!!

I’ve known her since high school, and we’ve always flirted with each other (innocently) in the past, but the universe had plans for us to go and grow through other things in life as individuals, before we were meant to meet up again and connect at the right time. We really feel strongly about divine timing!

Many people don’t like labels, I’m one of them. I’d like to think I’m just very open to loving who I love #LoveisLove. Whoever that may be in that moment, Man, Woman, Indya Moore (crushing since Pose, she’s so cute). To me, love is an experience and a feeling, not a definition of who I am. I give love to anyone I feel deserves it, because the energy is reciprocated.

Shoutout to all of my Transexuals, Pansexuals, Bisexuals, Lesbians, Gays, and Non-Binary Gender Non-Confirming family out there. You are who you are, you love who you love, and we are a community that does not define that, as the boundaries are nonexistent here. This is why many bisexual people feel shamed when it comes to being out fully, as men and women are often judged harshly, seen as promiscuous, or portrayed in a light that makes them look indecisive when it comes to their sexuality. This is an unfair mentality, it especially hurts when it comes from those within the LGBTQ+ community (because it does happen). We are people of the rainbow, and we come in all sorts of colors, shapes, sizes, styles, and at the end of the day #LOVEWINS.

Let’s celebrate love this week!

If you’ve happened to make it down this far, thanks for stopping by and reading My Coming Out Story. If you’re an ally, I hope you can take this time to educate yourself on the community of people who Love who they Love, as they deserve to be accepted too!

Have a great weekend.

Love & Light*

❤ Tati

Black Thoughts

Black Thoughts are:

Thinking the reason you were approached by men in blue, is because you are brown.

Feeling your heart plummet into your left vapor max sneaker while driving, because you saw the boys pull out behind you on Rte. 80 — God Speed

Black Thoughts are:

Dealing with collective trauma that’s rooted in racial inequality..

Entirely — The reason we still carry the weight of this country’s BS on our backs and Possibly..

The purposeful negative impact placed on black people, hidden through countless, various ways..

Seeing the videos, reading the posts.. We are exhausted by these images, and there is nothing left to say. There is literally a new hashtag created for our brothers and sisters, every single day..

Over the years, my people have been distracted, but now we’re awake..

The miseducation & depicted perception, will not be our downfall — This systemic narrative has been out of DATE.

PSA: We’re coming together in EVERY state, and our hearts are united by love & faith.

…Intergenerational trauma is real. While living through a pandemic, we’ve been expected to get on with life and Just Deal…

I hope you are doing the necessary work to feel the feelings in each moment, take action, and actually HEAL in the process — God Bless

Deep within our thoughts, we must find the things that make us happy and bring us joy..

Black Joy is:

Taking care of yourself and taking the time that you need for you to feel your best

Spending time doing what you love, being around who you love, and saying F’ the rest!

Letting go, and laughing every moment you can

Hugging your family closer, and spending time to catch-up with your friends

Striving for greatness and thriving. Supporting and caring for our children, women, and men

Black Joy is:

That warm hug you can only get from your grandmother

That feeling of butterflies 🦋 amplifying the vibe, when you connect with your lover

A Mother — her power is out of this world. Her temple, giving the gift of a child, with every newborn baby boy and girl

Black Joy is:

The refreshing level of authenticity in every new, enriching connection made

The calm floating in a breeze, followed by the coolness under a willow tree’s shade

A Father — Sharing his knowledge and valuable wisdom. Followed by the genuine laughter his family brings him, as they sit down and rejoice in their blackity black-black kingdom 👑

Black Thoughts are heavy, but we must not suppress them. Instead, let any bouts of frustration, depression, and aggression be a lesson. Stay focused. We are all fighting the long fight for racial equality and True Progression

Let us transcend this energy, come together for greater change, and do things our ancestors would be proud of.

In any moment we can grasp, make sure that you drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, relax your forehead muscles and *Find Love.

I haven’t written poetry in a while, so if you’ve happened to make it down this far, thanks for coming through!

I enjoy writing about things that are meaningful to me, and in this moment (with so much on my mind), I’ve just found solace in all of the little things that bring me joy during these heavy and uncertain times.

Love & Light*

❤ Tati

To Vaccinate -Or- Not To Vaccinate?

That is the question…

I hope all is well, and that you and your family are staying safe and sane. This summer has been absolutely nothing but Different. We’ve been fighting the good fight for racial equality, while simultaneously trying to stay positive, germ-free, and doing the best we can to enjoy every moment in the present.

Some states are seeing spikes, regarding the number of coronavirus cases reported — but schools are still opening in person. The government has been in a never ending argument over unemployment benefits for thousands of people who need them, and cannot seem to make any concrete decisions pertaining to the stimulus efforts (which will ultimately impact the entire state of the economy).

These conversations have been ongoing, and delaying any possible method of definitive progress, yet when asked, the president of this country seems to feel very strongly about the magnificent vaccine they’ve been working on. The people in power predict that this magical vaccine, will be ready by — YOU GUESSED IT: November 3, 2020.

That’s oddly convenient.. Looks like it will be ready right around the time, a second wave is predicted to wreak havoc on society (at least this is what the media reports).

Now this made me think… The national sports leagues are back out in the field or practicing on courts, schools are preparing to reopen with face-to-face teaching in place, and spas have reopened their doors. America said, “Welp, we’re over it”, and now if there’s another ‘wave prediction’, I’m pretty sure vaccine distribution is going to be the number 1 priority of the trump administration.

Many people don’t trust the government, but also, many people are very afraid of getting the virus, or becoming a silent carrier of the virus. Naturally, I needed to see what other people thought, so I took this question over to Instagram for feedback. Poll Below

@callme_Tati_

As you can see, a lot of people do not trust this government and like — I get it, I’m one of them. I just really wonder how this will all play out 6mths to 1 year from now. I ask my friends and family what they think about this, because I just think it’s really time for the American government to really start listening to The People.

It’s time the people had a voice, in determining the way this country is currently structured. We need REAL positive change, with actionable plans in place that will ultimately put a stop to the unfair economic systems, that have slowly dismantled this country in so many ways.

I know I’M NOT taking anybody’s vaccine, but I am not judging anyone who does, and I completely understand those who just want to do what’s best for their family. We need a CURE, but if we can’t find one, I can understand why some may want to just be as safe as possible, outside of just social distancing and maintaining cleanliness.

I personally don’t think many people will want to just voluntarily take this vaccine, but I’d be interested to see the numbers when it rolls out.

Will YOU take the vaccine, once it’s ready for distribution?

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for coming through and reading my post! This is just a recent topic that has peaked my interest, but I’d love your feedback! Feel free to share your thoughts on this if it also interests you.

Happy Sunday!

Love & Light*

❤ Tati

Beyoncé Is King

All I can say is WOW!

This weekend, I had a Girl’s Night with my best friend and my girlfriend. We dedicated an entire Saturday to just catching up, vibing on the couch, sipping rosé, and munching on appetizers.

By now, I’m sure you’ve already heard about Beyoncé’s new visual album Black Is King. This is only available, currently, on Disney+. It was released on Friday July 31st, 2020. If you’re like me, and have already subscribed to multiple streaming services, and don’t want to tac another one onto the bill, I HIGHLY recommend asking a family member to borrow their credentials for this one moment — TRUST me, you NEED to see this! I’m sharing the trailer below, because it’s only right that you preview this:

To provide some background on this, for those who don’t follow Beyoncé closely, this visual album was created using the songs she released for the album: The Lion King: The Gift. This project was rolled out to directly align with the animated film, The Lion King, which Beyoncé had a huge contribution in playing the voice of Nala. The Queen Bey herself, did an impeccable job using this visual production, Black is King, as a platform to not only share her artistic gifts with us in conjunction with those who helped her finalize this masterpiece — BUT this is literally the definition of storytelling!

The film is about 1 hour and 25 minutes long — I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I wrote about it on Instagram.

@callme_tati_

She blew me away with the direct connection to the storyline of The Lion King film. She replicated so many beautiful African inspired looks, hairstyles, dances, and just truly rooted the visual experience in Black culture. It made us SO Proud To Be Black🖤. She flipped it and told the story we needed to hear and see today within the Black community — *The Messages.

“I’m so happy to be Black!”

Chelsea Rawls, My Best Friend

She uses sound clips from the film, and establishes a beautiful visual storyboard from start to finish which includes many many celestial, spiritual, uplifting, powerful images, and I was in awe — FLOORED sis! The musical masterpiece includes looks that are out of this world — A *Mood and then some.

The impact of the character in focus equates to that of Simba in comparison, if we must compare. The child is King. She reminds him that he will have to meet himself again, to remember who he is, as his ancestors hold their power, reminding him of his in this universal moment we tap into. We appreciate the Black Woman who has colored this earth with so many different shades of melanin. We shine a light on them, and tie in every aspect of womanhood, motherhood, manhood, fatherhood, childhood, the identification of Self, and having pride in who we are!

Part of the Black experience for this young man is going/growing through moments of Struggle, Challenge, Reward, Discernment, and Wisdom. It’s so beautiful to watch. We focus on Black Men, Black Women, Black Love, Black Daughters, Mothers, Fathers, Family.

I’m not too certain of this thought, but I do believe Ms. Solange had a part to play in the setting development of some scenes (and I just want to say ‘thank you’). This project features celebrities such as Lupita Nyong’o, Naomi Campbell, Tierra Whack, Jessie Reyez, Burna Boy. She also includes her family, and those scenes were very beautiful. Ms Tina and Kelly Rowland are slaying per usual, Jay-Z makes an appearance with his feature on one of the songs (loved their ‘King & Queen moment’). There are just so many cameos that are truly perfect in the sequence of the storyline.

….I just need to get to the LEWKS really quick and then I plan to wrap this up in less than 1 min, so stick around for the GAG honey (if you haven’t watched it yet). I JUST —

This woman is magical. This content is SO powerful. I literally feel like she screamed:

“WAKE UP Y’ALL! OKAY GOOD, NOW THAT YOU’RE WOKE, DON’T FORGET THE POWER YOU HOLD. WE BRING PURPOSE TO THIS WORLD, REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE AND HARNESS THAT STRENGTH”

There was one statement she made, I can’t remember precisely, but I believe she said something along the lines of “Happiness — as pure as the smile on your father’s face”, and it really hit me to the core. So deep… when we think about the stereotypes of Black men, and the relationship they have with their emotions (especially older men from older generations, like our fathers and grandfathers)

The powerful words recited within the poetry she selected for this, and the spoken word performance clips she incorporated, were just absolutely amazing. The SHOTS, the COLORS (contrast and angles) STUNNING I tell you! I live, and I truly LOVE what Beyonce is doing for the culture.

This image released by Disney Plus shows Beyoncé in a scene from her visual album “Black is King,” premiering Friday on Disney Plus. (Robin Harper/Parkwood Entertainment/Disney + via AP)

She continues to amaze us with her ability to captivate the world at the grandest of levels, with a voice that’s covered in the godliest of melodies. WE TALKING RANGE? There is no competition, she created this lane, and I love that she is building an empire with her husband to then pass this wealth of knowledge down to their children. I just know Blue Ivy is going to do great things years from now, and the rest of her kids will go on to make their parents proud.

This is not only Black excellence folks, this is a wake up call to understand the power we possess, a reminder of what we bring to this world, a celebration of our people, and overall just a BEAUTIFUL body of work. I truly hope that every Black person, men especially, find some time to watch this. I hope you get a chance to watch this too girl, and if you have to bite that $6.99/mth bullet to get there, I understand.

If you’ve made it down this far, I just want to thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I’m sitting under the full moon, charging our crystal, and sipping on some libations this evening as I write this. If you were born in the 80’s (maybe 90s) I really think you’ll enjoy disney+, I mean — I watched 101 Dalmatians, Fantasia, and Cinderella all in one sitting today with my girlfriend, so I’m a fan lol. Note to Self Below

This Week’s Affirmations: Stay centered, when you must — find your balance and let go of what you can’t control. Remain productive, but also take time for yourself and do the things you love. Spend time with the ones you love. Love on yourself. Give thanks for all blessings, and continue to walk the righteous path in front of you, living for a higher purpose and power through every experience (with awareness in mind). End the week on a *solid and *satisfying note.

I hope you have a good week. Don’t forget to say your affirmations, sis!

Thanks for coming through.

Love & Light*

❤

Growing Up Afro-Latina

Hey girl, hey!

Hoping you’ve had a great day, week, and most importantly through these crazy times — I hope you’re keeping a level head, and doing the things that make YOU feel good, that ultimately keep you balanced.

We’ve seen a lot these past few months! I’ve written about the current state of society, covering topics like racial inequality, and I’ve also touched on topics that have hit a little closer to home regarding injustice. Today, I wanted to take some time to highlight something that is very personal and important to me: Growing Up Afro-Latina. I’m so very grateful to have a mother that is Dominican and to have a father that is African-American. Over the last 32 years, I’ve experienced both cultures on both sides of my immediate family. My girlfriend Sarina also has a similar, yet different experience growing up Afro-Latina, being Native American Black and Puerto Rican.

You’re probably like, “Native-What?” lol It will make more sense, when you watch this video:

One weekend when my girlfriend and I went on a quick getaway to a cute little town in PA, we found ourselves having a conversation at the Air BnB that we stayed in and it was so eye opening. Although Sarina and I can relate to a lot regarding ethnic stereotypical situations we’ve been in, and perspectives directly tied to our upbringing growing up in the community we’re from — This conversation revealed a lot of differences as well. In this video, we talk about cultural misconceptions, the sensitive topic of colorism, Afro-Latina Representation, and positive change that we’ve seen within our community. “Mixed Girls” face a lot of challenges growing up, and don’t always realize how it impacts their self identity until they actually OWN who they are as adults, and can speak to their own individual experiences.

I really enjoyed having this conversation with my girlfriend. I hope to write about, and have more discussions around topics like this, that are important to me.

If you’ve happened to stop by, thanks for coming through!

Feel free to comment, and share perspective if you can relate to some of the things we talk about in this video.

Love & *Light

-Tati ❤

Black Owned Business Spotlight: Mane by Maltbia | Hair Care

Happy Self Care Sunday Ladies!

I’ve been so busy with my girlfriend getting settled into our new apartment, that I haven’t really had a day to just focus on ME. Today was all about relaxation and rejuvenation! Woke up late, had a cup of coffee with toast (strawberry jam on the side), cuddled up on the couch, shampooed, deep conditioned my hair, and did two face masks — NO GAMES were played today, okay? I also prepped the tub for a Sunday bath, because I DESERVE! You deserve too sis, I hope you did something 100% dedicated to your happiness and wellness today — *stay balanced.

Going back to my Self Care Sunday routine, I wanted to put the Black Own Business Spotlight on Mane by Maltbia!


Ashley Maltbia-Burgess — Business Owner, Entrepreneur

Mrs. Maltbia-Burgess owns Mane by Maltbia, a line of natural hair care products devoted to growth and nourished healthy hair. I was fortunate enough to connect with her on Instagram (make sure you follow: @manebymatlbia), and it was through the power of social media, that I found out about her FABulous products. First thing I thought to myself, upon meeting her was “Wow! She has beautiful hair”, so you know I had to try out her Hair Growth Accelerator Serum.

This lightweight oil, simulates the scalp, nourishes your hair follicles, and I have to mention that it smells SO GOOD, and I mean that! My girlfriend actually tried it first, after leaving the beach one day, she applied the hair serum to her scalp and to the ends of her hair — I seriously could not stop smelling her locs. She loves it, so naturally I couldn’t wait to wash my hair and try it for myself. Once I did, I was blown away by the results and by the way it made my hair feel (super soft)! You can either apply this serum to your scalp, or on the ends of your hair to restore and retain moisture, while simultaneously stimulating your hair follicles. I am a curly gurl, so after washing my hair, I applied the oil to my scalp as well as running it through my curls, and concentrated on my ends while it was still damp.

Nourishing & Nurturing My Curls with Mane by Maltbia’s Hair Growth Accelerator Serum

I also use Miss Jessie’s Honey Curls, so after applying this to my hair for definition, I felt that I had fully saturated it, and I let my mane air dry. My girlfriend, walked by and asked me to put some in her hair as well, because I told you girl — it smells GOOD! The best part about this product, is that it uses 100% natural ingredients, such as coconut oil, almond oil, and Vitamin E (check out this link if you’d like to learn more about the organic ingredients within this product). Either way, I am very happy with this hair oil, and I just had to share this Self Care Sunday Secret to all of my ladies out there who just want to give their locs a little extra love.

Shop the Liquid Gold Collection, and get FREE Shipping on orders over $50. Support Black-Owned Businesses, and spread the word, because this product is everything! Also, check out the Mane by Maltbia site for more fabulous products.

If you’ve happened to stop by, thank you so much for coming through!

Support Black-Owned Businesses, Black Artists, Writers, Creators, and Entrepreneurs!

Love & light*

Have a great week!

-Tati ❤

I May Destroy You

This show is SO GOOD!

Okay, after Insecure ended, my girlfriend and I were on the hunt for a new show to complete our Sunday evening fix, but there was nothing really on at the time… We did hear about and see trailers for “I May Destroy You” which airs on HBO/HBOMax on Mondays at 9ET. This new jaw dropping, thought provoking, show is starring and directed by actress and comedian Michaela Coel who plays Arabella. To be honest, I didn’t feel compelled to check it out at first because I didn’t really know what it was about… The trailers just gave you a taste, but let me tell you, they had me at blood clot!…

If you’re reading this, you’re probably like “what? blood clot?”, unless of course, you’ve watched it. This show starts off like a blank canvas. You meet the main character, and dive straight into her quirkinesses. You learn that she is a writer, a beautiful black Ghanian woman who lives in a flat with roommates in London, and she basically moves with the flow of life on her own accord. She’s dealing with a long distance love connection, but you don’t really get into how that whole thing even got started until like episode 3 ( I want to say…)

Fast forward >> this girl PARTIES, okay!

Her Story: The main tipping point for me that really sucked me into commitment was when you learn that she has absolutely no recollection of the night before, when she met up with a friend and woke up the next day with a gash above her eye, bruises on her body, and a cracked phone screen… Like WHAT?!

[TRIGGER WARNING – SENSITIVE CONTENT] Throughout the next few episodes, you are taken on a wild ride while she tries to piece the night together. She hops in and out of alarming flashbacks that bring her back to that night. A lot of these memories have to do with a moment she recalls in one of the bathroom stalls in the club she was in. Unfortunately, she was raped but she can’t identify who the man is. As Arabella is picking up the pieces, she reaches out to one of her guy friends, actually the guy she initially met up with before going into the club. I should also mention — someone slipped her something, so that, on top of a hard night of partying, just resulted in a bunch of chaos.

Arabella visits the friend’s place (a guy, who apparently is in an open relationship with a woman who is also there as she arrives), and she proceeds to ask “what exactly happened last night?” He seems to be clueless, on the important facts that she needs, to get some sort of idea of what happened to her the night before. The girlfriend calls him out on a lie, which makes him super suspicious..

Arabella leaves and heads over to visit a woman who is actually the 3rd in this open relationship, that I mentioned previously.. That didn’t go well, but it’s obvious that those two were involved in some shady business (the couple, that is), because she also was present at the night of this crazy experience. Arabella takes an uber and flees the apartment complex, still on a mission to figure the whole thing out.

There are 2 other very important characters in the story.

Arabella’s best friend Terry

First of all, let me just say that I love their friendship. They’re just a very cute pair, and you can tell that Terry cares a lot about Arabella. Terry is an aspiring actress who unfortunately, also has an unwanted sexual experience that she recalls while in Italy staying with Arabella during a work trip (she does not share this with her best friend).

Her Story: [TRIGGER WARNING — SENSITIVE CONTENT] She was walking to their flat, and 2 men saw her, pretended they didn’t know each other, and pursued her. At the end of their steamy ‘evening’, she realizes what she thought was a moment based on full consent, which took place between 3 strangers, was actually a sneaky and calculated plot to get Terry in bed with them. Horrible, I know.

I want to touch on Kwame as well, before I finish this post up, because his story is also one that really had me like

His Story: [TRIGGER WARNING – SENSITIVE CONTENT] Kwame is an aerobics instructor. He is a man, who spends his time browsing the Grindr app to find new fleeting love interests, whenever he feels like he’s in the mood for something ‘new’. Although he doesn’t seem to want anything serious, Kwame is approached by one of his students, who basically reveals his love for him, but he’s under the impression that he just wants to have a good time. They get together, and meetup at a guy’s house (he met this man on Grindr), the love interest is not feeling this ‘experimental’ situation, and decides he wants to leave (I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of him though). After he leaves, Kwame is ready to head out, but the “Grindr” guy doesn’t let him. He actually forces him down on the bed and proceeds to violate him.

Kwame reports it to the police after going down to the station to support Arabella with her case (as she is now meeting with the detectives to solve this), but the officer makes him feel embarrassed by the whole thing. He sends him home and basically tells him there’s nothing he can do about it. I know, it’s terrible. He was able to muster up all of this courage, to share his experience in order to free himself of this pain and the officer refused to help. It was almost as if the cop thought he would catch the cooties/germs from him or something. (Kwame started to tell Arabella, but decided not to share this with anyone, as he feels so ashamed)

Pivoting to Arabella.. She has been informed that the cops have a lead, and need to investigate further into her long distance love interest, to cross all T-s and dot all I-s (she has not shared any of this with him by the way)… Fast Forward again –> Arabella OUTS a guy who tried to have sex with her and remove his condom, putting him on blast in front of MANY people at a writers event she was invited to. LOVED that scene. This is also considered rape too, and I loved the fact that this new show is putting so much out there. As opinionated as we are, these topics surrounding rape are filled with so many perspectives, when it comes to factoring in things like consent, sexual preference/stereotypes, and gender roles, so I am actually really glad that this show is breaking ground — because it should!

I didn’t want to spend too much time on each of the episodes, because I don’t want to spoil the entire thing for you (if you’ve made it down this far), but episode 6 airs tonight, so I hope you can catch up girl because it’s getting really intense!

If you’ve happened to stop by and read this post, thanks for coming through!

Please feel free to leave a comment if you’ve watched “I May Destroy You”, and have your own thoughts/perspectives you’d like to share on the jaw dropping storyline that is shaking the table!

I am LIVING for and LOVING this Black Girl Magic, OK!

Love & Light*

-Tati

Rest In Paradise Mari

Over the weekend, I received sad news about my sorority sister, Marileidy “Mari” Morel. She passed away last Saturday, July 4th during the evening in Fairfield, CT while walking her dog.

As I woke up to read the text I received in the middle of the night, I was so shocked by the information my sister shared with me. I had found out that Mari was in a car accident that evening, and did not make it. She was only 32 years old. As I write this post, I find my sadness growing, because this was such a horrible thing that happened to such a beautiful spirit.

Mari and I pledged for Omega Phi Chi (Multicultural) Sorority, Inc. during our freshman/sophomore year in college, we both crossed into an amazing sisterhood and attended Montclair State Univeristy. She was my chapter sister (Mu Chapter), and although we weren’t as close as some of my other sisters while pledging, I have very fond memories of her as a Neo, and as a younger sister back in 2008-2010. Mari pledged a semester before me. I remember feeling so comforted by her warm spirit as she would always light up a room with her caring and positive energy as soon as she walked in.

Over the years, we haven’t seen each other as much as I would’ve liked, because life gets in the way at times, but I’d like to hold on to the memories of her that are still with me. She was definitely one of the kindest, supportive people I’ve come in contact with at MSU, and I am so proud to be her sister (even if not by blood/DNA). She was such a genuinely nice person.

It is important that I mention, that this is a Hit and Run investigation. The vehicle is believed to be a Dark Green Jeep Wrangler. Damage to the vehicle is likely to be in the front right portion of the jeep. A clear marker lens was recovered at the scene.

Post shared by my chapter sisters. This repost, recalls what the witness saw at the scene when she found Mari after this happened (Trigger Warning: This is detailed)

I, like my other sisters are hurting right now, because her beautiful soul was taken from us too soon. She had plans for her future, and the driver of the SUV took that away from her. I just really hope her family can find justice, because they deserve it! SHE deserves it.

As mentioned above, this is actively being investigated by the Fairfield CT police. If you can please share this with anyone you know, on your socials/online/etc. that would help tremendously, as information would aid in identifying the driver of this vehicle.

Anonymous tips may be submitted by texting “FPD” plus your tip info to CRIMES (274637), or by going to http://www.fpdct.com/tips

Anyone with information can also call the Fairfield police department at (203) 254-4800 OR, if you are able to provide surveillance video, you can contact Sgt. Michael Paris at (203) 254-4862.

Rest in Paradise Mari*

***UPDATE****

The vehicle of the person responsible for my sister’s hit and run has been identified, as well as the man behind the wheel. My sisters and I were all very happy to hear that this man was found and taken into custody. This is what we’ve learned so far:

DECLAN P. KOT, AGE 22, OF EASTON is charged with: 

  • Misconduct with a Motor Vehicle (Class D Felony)
  • Evading Responsibility in Operating a Motor Vehicle Resulting in Death
  • Failure to Drive in Proper Lane
  • Operating a Motor Vehicle without Fenders
  • Tampering with Evidence
  • Operation of a Motor Vehicle with Tinted Windows without Tinting Sticker
  • Operation of Vehicle with Tinted Windshield

This man, a firefighter, has been charged with 7 offenses but I personally feel that this is not enough. I can’t find the article, but there is a separate incident which took place this same weekend, (hit and run) resulting in the same outcome unfortunately. However, this man was not well connected within the community, and is faced with a list of charges that are much more severe (not to mention his bail was much higher). I do not work in law enforcement/have not studied law, but I can confidently say that this deserves more attention. He is expected to arrive in court this Wednesday 7/15 in Fairfield, CT to receive his ruling.

My sisters are doing all that they can to make sure that Mari and her family receive the justice they deserve! If you have read/shared this post, please find more information below on updated ways that you can help:

Today Mari was laid to rest, and although I was unable to attend, I met up with my sisters last week to celebrate Mari and it was a beautiful moment.

Rest in paradise Mari, we love you!

A New Chapter

We’ve moved into our new place! As of 7/1, we’ve been able to finally rest in our new apartment. Sarina and I have been moving around nonstop — putting things in storage, donating, buying new things, building furniture… and it has been an AH-MAY-ZING experience. We are so grateful for this opportunity, and to begin this new journey. I just keep saying “thank you”, because gratitude is so important to me.

Our Living Room — (Don’t mind our pillows, some of them are for the bed)

Sarina put our an entire couch, 4 bar stools, desk, and TV stand together these past few days. Needless to say, there’s literally nothing she can’t do. I’m so very grateful for her, we’re going through the whole settling process together and she’s made it so much easier for us to get things done. Our mothers have also been a HUGE help in getting us settled. It sounds corny, but teamwork Really makes the dream work. We would still be unpacking boxes if it weren’t for them ❤

For now, I think we’ve taken care of all of the major aspects of the apartment — except for.. the bedroom. The kitchen is good to go, living room is almost fully setup (with the exception of one piece of furniture that’s still being delivered), but the current state of the bedroom furniture when it come to the actual delivery process, just makes me sigh and roll my eyes…

The Positives:

– Computer, desk, and WiFi are all setup.

– Mattress was delivered

The Annoyances:

– 2 parts of the bed frame have just completely disappeared… The warehouse cannot find them, so now they’ve put a replacement order in, expediting the delivery, but have stated that it likely won’t get delivered until late July sometime…

– The dresser is not getting delivered until around the same time I believe (perhaps even August, these dates keep changing), so right now we’ve just been living out of boxes 📦 and laying on the mattress until the bed frame gets here…

Granted, I had some idea that we would have to go in and out of boxes to get some of the clothes we need, but it’s just a little annoying because when we wash them, there’s no place to put them. I also, just wanted the bed frame to come this week, so that we could take the time to build it before going back to work on Monday, but there’s nothing we can do about it.

After about 5-6 calls to Wayfair, we’re just going to have to wait it out, and receive the furniture whenever it gets here😢. However, right now we’re definitely in a good place and super happy about the move (there was one night Sarina and I couldn’t stop smiling😬😬 lol)!

I’ll wrap this up by saying that I am TREMENDOUSLY Grateful for new beginnings with my girlfriend

On Our New Couch — My Mami, Sarina, and I (Sarina’s Mami took the picture but she’s been there from the start and I love her SO MUCH!)

If you’ve happened to stop by, thanks for coming through!

Love & Light*

-Tati ❤