We did it again! This time in West Catskills, New York. If you’re new to my blog, welcome friend (sending big virtual hugs to anyone who has stumbled across my thoughts and stayed this past year 🙂 – THANK YOU!). Last December, Sarina and I took a trip to upstate New York, and we stayed in a tiny cabin, hosted by Getaway. We had such an incredibly relaxing trip, that I blogged (and we vlogged) about it.
I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to write a blog post for the Getaway site, and in exchange, the wonderful team gave us a free stay at any location of our choice – Thanks Getaway! It is now May 2021 (the best month of the year), and ‘outside’ is slowly starting to open back up, so we decided to stay close and check out the West location. We did notice some differences, between the two campgrounds, and we talk about our experience there, in the YouTube video below.
We have 2 big trips coming up this year, and now that I am 50% vaccinated (hehe), I can’t wait to go on an actual vacation (safely of course)! Are you going on any trips this year? Thinking of staying in a tiny cabin? It’s worth the experience in my opinion, if you’ve never done it before.
I remember looking in the mirror at the age of like 14/15 or so, and thinking…
Hmmm I wonder how I’m going to look when I’m like 30. How will I carry myself? Will I be married, or on my way to my second child by that age? What kind of car will I drive? Will I be living in New York City? What will I be doing for a living? What will 30 year old me look like, and how will I feel at that big age? Will I be mature enough to handle all of life’s adult challenges?
Teenage me felt like 30 years old was such an established, GROWN WOMAN age, and at 32 going on 33 next month, I still feel the same way (but there are so many layers to this). My mindset has morphed throughout my teenage years and throughout my early 20s. I’m so thankful for my life experiences, and for all of the life lessons I’ve learned. My individual, personal, and professional relationships have all contributed to the personal I am in this current moment.
So much has changed over the years. That 15 year old girl staring at herself in her bedroom mirror on the 3rd floor of her mother’s house would’ve never have imagined that she’d go on to attend 2 colleges in the span of 4 years, graduate with her bachelor’s degree (*on time), and become a member of an amazing multicultural sorority. The love sessons I had to learn were probably some of the toughest, but I grew so much from them, and found the love of my life (again) at the age of 30. I couldn’t imagine having a daughter in my 20s, although I thought I would, because my mother did (and she did an amazing job, might I add). I just had so much to grow through and learn before I could give a child the best source of love that I could be able to provide. Side bar, can’t even believe I’m saying this but.. I think I’m ready for this step, once we get a little bit of travel exploration and home-buying goals crossed off of our list….. wow this is next level adult mindset sh*t lol.
One thing’s for sure, two things for certain, your 20s are fun and liberating but your 30s are even better for a multitude of reasons. I am only going on year 3 in this decade, but so far all of the things I’ve heard about, regarding how you personally feel about/perceive certain challenges is so much different (in a *positive way). I wouldn’t say that you let every challenge or frustration just roll off of your back, but you start to see the bigger picture, and really identify with the fact that you have to trust the process and move throughout life in a way that aligns with your higher self (selfless when you factor in the collective experience, *becauseeveryone is connected). I also, tend to take better care of myself, when I realize that I’ve fallen off from that (this is something I’m working on). As time goes by, I only want to nurture that understanding, and continue to prioritize self-care even more because it’s so important.
Things that bothered me in my 20s definitely don’t bother me now. The way I would deal with certain challenges in the past, is definitely not the way I would deal with them in this moment. It’s above me now.
I’ve written about certain moments, where I’ve reflected on my personal challenges at 32, and in hindsight, while I battle with the ‘Monday Scaries’ since I used PTO on Friday and Monday (it is now Monday evening heavy sigh), I want to write a letter to my younger self. So here she is:
Hey Girl, what’s up it’s probably not even that serious, whatever you’re currently going through so let it go. We’ve got bigger things on the horizon. Only make moves when you hearts in it, and live the phrase sky’s the limit, like Biggie said. Whoever you are stressing about right now, if going to fade away faster than a one hit wonder, so if it doesn’t serve your happiness, move on. Keep that drive, it will help you in the long run, I know that you channeled it in other ways in the past, but we will grow from that. Anger does not serve you in any way (always remember that).
Try to limit moments when you want to act impulsively. This does no one any good, and you just wind up kicking yourself in the a$$ anyway when it’s all said and done. Each time you want to go from 0-100, think to yourself “Is this really worth it? Probably not”, because 9/10 it’s probably not, and you’ll thank yourself later when you take the high road, although Ms. Pride does not want that.
Have fun when you’re dating, none of this sh!t will last until it feels right, but draw those boundaries once you learn from one important lesson, or you’ll be put in more situations where you’ll be served with the same lesson in a different form (don’t believe it? you’ll start to see a pattern, the more you don’t listen to yourself). When you do meet The ONE, embrace it boo because she’s everything you want and more (yes, I said *she and I know you’re probably not surprised…or maybe you are lol). Try not to let past challenges trigger you in any way. Although it’s easier said than done, the lessons you’ve learned about yourself in failed relationships, once applied to your forever-relationship, will show you how much you’ve grown and how divinely timed this moment is once you’re ready for real, true, and unconditional love.
Your job search is going to be ROUGH at first boo. I’m here to tell you to CHILL, no for real, Chill. Again, I know you’re over it, but this is when you have to also understand that you can’t control everything and you have to *TRUST THE PROCESS. In due time, it will all turn out fine. You’ll get the job that puts your foot in the door, you’ll make great professional connections and meaningful personal relationships along the way when your career takes off. You’ll hit a wall, more than once, but you just have to know that you can get up and *YOU WILL ELEVATE after each trip along the way. Stay focused on bettering yourself, jobs will come and go. You’ll be in rooms you never thought you’d be in, and excelling to levels you never even envisioned at this age, but challenges will come so you have to take care of yourself in the process.
As you continue to take care of yourself, you will run into moments when you feel that your purpose is calling you elsewhere, and that’s okay. You’ll feel bad about work and sometimes get really stressed about it and want to quit…. that’s okay too. Again, take care of yourself, start doing more of what makes YOU feel good, and remove anything that hinders your growth and/or brings down your energy.
High Vibrations Only.
Continue to spend time with your family and your close friends whenever you can (there’s a whole pandemic taking place in 2020, and this will change the game for everyone). Pay attention to your parents more and more, as time goes by. I know, sounds weird, but they’ll need you more than you know, and everything will come full circle. EVERYTHING.
Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Be Safe.
Travel some more.
Be Safe. Travel. Travel. Travel.
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaave. Pay Off Your Debt ASAP.
Invest in long term assets, build generational wealth (like start this process NOW, your kids will thank you).
Also, travel some more.
Paint, write, go for a hike, care for plants (what? I know, you’ll love it later in life) and use your creative gifts as often as possible, this is basically therapy for you.
Get used to saying those affirmations, they will not go away, you will just continue to improve them as time goes on.
Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Give yourself a lot of time and personal care (it’s not a good-to-to-have, it’s a requirement).
Be open to new opportunities, but most importantly…
REMAIN YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF as you always have been, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor in the work that you do while hear on this earth.
Always remember, you got this! *No matter what.
I don’t know what the next decade holds, but I’m taking it one day at a time, with an open mind, while focusing on what brings me happiness ultimately. Things change, jobs change, life changes, but we have to stay in touch with who we are and trust the process no matter what. If something doesn’t fulfill you, I think you should plan to move on and ride the wave of what happens next (navigating gracefully) until you get to where you want to be. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m battling anxiety as I write this, but I also feel that this has been therapy for me.
I feel lighter after getting all of this off of my chest, and somewhere in the a time warp, there’s a dimensional pocket in ‘time’ where I’m slipping this letter to my younger self, and even if she doesn’t read it until she’s older, she’ll find out all of these things in due time and I am grateful for that. Maybe I’ll check back in with another letter when I look back on my 30s. This has been helpful for me.
I saw a meme the other day, that I think many 30-somethings can probably relate to…
As I get ready to dig through 2 days worth of emails, before coming back to the madness tomorrow, I am affirming the below:
This will be a good week. I will have a productive 4 days remaining, which will set myself up nicely for another weekend getaway trip that we’re doing upstate next weekend. I will navigate gracefully and let go of things that I cannot control. I will trust the process, and the all of the universe is conspiring to ensure that I align with my ultimate purpose, as it relates to each and every experience. In due time, everything will turn out fine. All is well, and so it will be.
Hello March, I’m welcoming you with open arms honey. Please be good to me and my homegirls!
February was a great month. Full of lots of blessings, lessons, impactful information, Black history and meaningful connections. On Sunday, February 21, my girlfriend and I joined a panel discussion for all people looking to learn more about the importance of Black love and embracing diversity in relationships — it was so much fun!
Unrelatable, a series created by blogger, Brie Milan. This series definitely peaked my interest when I learned that it was created to highlight the lifestyles and perspectives of those who live lives that cannot be defined by societal norms. She aspires to build a network that focuses on uniting, uplifting, and informing those individuals within this community.
Brie is a Detroit native, currently residing in North Carolina. Not only does she bring people together from all walks of life, she is an activist, and an advocate for self care practices — and I love the work she does! You can follow Brie’s Instagram @brie_milan to get notified on all of the amazing content she’s sharing, and to stay up to speed on upcoming discussions that she will be hosting. Pssst! Be on the lookout for another discussion that she will be hosting this month!
The conversation was DEEP yet hilarious, but also candid and raw in so many ways. We were also joined by another couple @beautifullyblending (Cierra and Anthony), and of course Brie was joined by her co-host and boyfriend Ron. We truly appreciated both of their love stories. I can go on and on about how amazing this panel was, but you’ll have to check it out for yourself (if it interests you), because my summary won’t do this any justice.
As we talked about what makes our love unique, we also spent time uncovering perspective on so many topics: Polyamory, Gender Roles, DatingExperiences that involve Blended Family commitments. Some of the topics we touched on, might even be considered ‘taboo’ when it comes to societal norms within the LGBTQ+ community. This was our first time joining a live conversation, and we really enjoyed it, so we look forward to building more of these types relationships, and working with others who want to elevate important conversations that shed light on so many important perspectives, and provide insight into some of the topics we don’t typically talk about.
If you’ve made it down this far, thank you so much for coming to my blog and reading this post. I appreciate YOU!
In the wonderful words of Diana Ross — “I’m coming OUT!” Happy Saturday, from my little office nook. I want to give a big virtual hug and hello to my LGBTQ+ family!! This week is #BiWeek or Bisexual Awareness Week, and although many of us have been pretty distant when it comes to social gatherings in 2020, because COVID, a significant amount of us are still celebrating in our own way and bringing awareness to this week, virtually.
So what is BiWeek anyway???...
GLAAD provides great definition and context around this week of awareness. The actual day of recognition is September 23, but each year from 9/16 through 9/23 we celebrate, support, and highlight the history and importance of those within the bisexual community. Resource centers and publications such as GLAAD and Out Magazine have used their platform to truly shine a light on the community from historical milestones, to the current battles bisexual men and women face within the community, as it relates to owning their sexuality – I am one of them!…
MY STORY --- to make a long story short (If I can, because I'm chatty lol)
My mother has always been sexually fluid, so I grew up within the LGBTQ+ community since I was about 3 years old, and she was always very open with me about her sexuality, so I never questioned it or judged her negatively (some of my most pleasant memories growing up, were spent surrounded by those within the LGBTQ+ family). So yeah, I get it from my mama!
Fast forward to my earlier 20s, I had always been attracted to women and men, but had only been in romantic relationships with men up until about 20yrs old. Maybe I secretly just thought that every woman had that level of appreciation for the beauty of other women —but just not all, in a romantic way (if that even makes sense). So I started dating my first girlfriend around this age. I’d say it was about the time I noticed myself getting extra cute/ready in the mirror before hangin out with her, that I realized I had more of an attraction for her in a romantic way versus just platonic friendship.
I basically came out to my mother in a car ride, when I told her I was beginning to like someone.. a girl. She knew who that girl was, and when I told her we were in a relationship, she was not surprised at all — haha! She basically drew the assumption that we were dating before I even told her (I was spending so much time with the girl, and she was already out, so this was an idea she already developed in her mind, before I even spoke to her). I didn’t feel weird at all telling my mother, because she had always been so open with me about her sexuality, so acceptance came in the form of her just hugging me and smiling. I came out to my father about 2 years ago, officially. He is also very accepting, and loves my current girlfriend (which I couldn’t be more happier about).
I know that there are so many other women and men in our community that do not receive the same level of understanding from their parents/loved ones when they come out, so I am very grateful for these moments. I’m also very grateful for the level of awareness that this week brings. So many of us can take this time to educate ourselves, and receive support in a variety of ways (support groups, LGBTQ+ led events/hotlines, articles etc.)
Wow I said this was going to be short, OK!
Fast forward once more — That relationship didn’t work out, and after riding the struggle bus on and off for about 3-4 years with my first girlfriend, I literally swore off lesbian relationships! It was great until it was TOXIC af, to sum it up. Many of us have been there, and we’re not proud, but it is what it is. I had a lot of healing to do after that relationship crashed and burned. I was single (dating men only) on and off for about 10 years. Yes, I was dating, but there were moments when I just wanted to be left alone, and not even date at all, and work on myself.
After a few hopeful thoughts and potential ideas (these are the men I dated), my single self was just randomly browsing my instagram story one day, and I viewed my (now girlfriend) crush’s story — she was using a kitty filter, and she looked SO freaking cute. I slid in the DM, as the kids say, and the rest was history! Sarina is her name, she’s literally my FORVER, my person, my twin flame, my best friend, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. This is about to sound very cheesy, but you know how they say, “You meet that one person and you just KNOW instantly why it didn’t work out with anyone else”? This statement is SO true!!
I’ve known her since high school, and we’ve always flirted with each other (innocently) in the past, but the universe had plans for us to go and grow through other things in life as individuals, before we were meant to meet up again and connect at the right time. We really feel strongly about divine timing!
Many people don’t like labels, I’m one of them. I’d like to think I’m just very open to loving who I love #LoveisLove. Whoever that may be in that moment, Man, Woman, Indya Moore (crushing since Pose, she’s so cute). To me, love is an experience and a feeling, not a definition of who I am. I give love to anyone I feel deserves it, because the energy is reciprocated.
Shoutout to all of my Transexuals, Pansexuals, Bisexuals, Lesbians, Gays, and Non-Binary Gender Non-Confirming family out there. You are who you are, you love who you love, and we are a community that does not define that, as the boundaries are nonexistent here. This is why many bisexual people feel shamed when it comes to being out fully, as men and women are often judged harshly, seen as promiscuous, or portrayed in a light that makes them look indecisive when it comes to their sexuality. This is an unfair mentality, it especially hurts when it comes from those within the LGBTQ+ community (because it does happen). We are people of the rainbow, and we come in all sorts of colors, shapes, sizes, styles, and at the end of the day #LOVEWINS.
Let’s celebrate love this week!
If you’ve happened to make it down this far, thanks for stopping by and reading My Coming Out Story. If you’re an ally, I hope you can take this time to educate yourself on the community of people who Love who they Love, as they deserve to be accepted too!