A Note To My Younger Self

I remember looking in the mirror at the age of like 14/15 or so, and thinking…

Hmmm I wonder how I’m going to look when I’m like 30. How will I carry myself? Will I be married, or on my way to my second child by that age? What kind of car will I drive? Will I be living in New York City? What will I be doing for a living? What will 30 year old me look like, and how will I feel at that big age? Will I be mature enough to handle all of life’s adult challenges?

Teenage me felt like 30 years old was such an established, GROWN WOMAN age, and at 32 going on 33 next month, I still feel the same way (but there are so many layers to this). My mindset has morphed throughout my teenage years and throughout my early 20s. I’m so thankful for my life experiences, and for all of the life lessons I’ve learned. My individual, personal, and professional relationships have all contributed to the personal I am in this current moment.

So much has changed over the years. That 15 year old girl staring at herself in her bedroom mirror on the 3rd floor of her mother’s house would’ve never have imagined that she’d go on to attend 2 colleges in the span of 4 years, graduate with her bachelor’s degree (*on time), and become a member of an amazing multicultural sorority. The love sessons I had to learn were probably some of the toughest, but I grew so much from them, and found the love of my life (again) at the age of 30. I couldn’t imagine having a daughter in my 20s, although I thought I would, because my mother did (and she did an amazing job, might I add). I just had so much to grow through and learn before I could give a child the best source of love that I could be able to provide. Side bar, can’t even believe I’m saying this but.. I think I’m ready for this step, once we get a little bit of travel exploration and home-buying goals crossed off of our list….. wow this is next level adult mindset sh*t lol.

One thing’s for sure, two things for certain, your 20s are fun and liberating but your 30s are even better for a multitude of reasons. I am only going on year 3 in this decade, but so far all of the things I’ve heard about, regarding how you personally feel about/perceive certain challenges is so much different (in a *positive way). I wouldn’t say that you let every challenge or frustration just roll off of your back, but you start to see the bigger picture, and really identify with the fact that you have to trust the process and move throughout life in a way that aligns with your higher self (selfless when you factor in the collective experience, *because everyone is connected). I also, tend to take better care of myself, when I realize that I’ve fallen off from that (this is something I’m working on). As time goes by, I only want to nurture that understanding, and continue to prioritize self-care even more because it’s so important.

Things that bothered me in my 20s definitely don’t bother me now. The way I would deal with certain challenges in the past, is definitely not the way I would deal with them in this moment. It’s above me now.

I’ve written about certain moments, where I’ve reflected on my personal challenges at 32, and in hindsight, while I battle with the ‘Monday Scaries’ since I used PTO on Friday and Monday (it is now Monday evening heavy sigh), I want to write a letter to my younger self. So here she is:

Dear You,

Hey Girl, what’s up it’s probably not even that serious, whatever you’re currently going through so let it go. We’ve got bigger things on the horizon. Only make moves when you hearts in it, and live the phrase sky’s the limit, like Biggie said. Whoever you are stressing about right now, if going to fade away faster than a one hit wonder, so if it doesn’t serve your happiness, move on. Keep that drive, it will help you in the long run, I know that you channeled it in other ways in the past, but we will grow from that. Anger does not serve you in any way (always remember that).

Try to limit moments when you want to act impulsively. This does no one any good, and you just wind up kicking yourself in the a$$ anyway when it’s all said and done. Each time you want to go from 0-100, think to yourself “Is this really worth it? Probably not”, because 9/10 it’s probably not, and you’ll thank yourself later when you take the high road, although Ms. Pride does not want that.

Have fun when you’re dating, none of this sh!t will last until it feels right, but draw those boundaries once you learn from one important lesson, or you’ll be put in more situations where you’ll be served with the same lesson in a different form (don’t believe it? you’ll start to see a pattern, the more you don’t listen to yourself). When you do meet The ONE, embrace it boo because she’s everything you want and more (yes, I said *she and I know you’re probably not surprised…or maybe you are lol). Try not to let past challenges trigger you in any way. Although it’s easier said than done, the lessons you’ve learned about yourself in failed relationships, once applied to your forever-relationship, will show you how much you’ve grown and how divinely timed this moment is once you’re ready for real, true, and unconditional love.

Your job search is going to be ROUGH at first boo. I’m here to tell you to CHILL, no for real, Chill. Again, I know you’re over it, but this is when you have to also understand that you can’t control everything and you have to *TRUST THE PROCESS. In due time, it will all turn out fine. You’ll get the job that puts your foot in the door, you’ll make great professional connections and meaningful personal relationships along the way when your career takes off. You’ll hit a wall, more than once, but you just have to know that you can get up and *YOU WILL ELEVATE after each trip along the way. Stay focused on bettering yourself, jobs will come and go. You’ll be in rooms you never thought you’d be in, and excelling to levels you never even envisioned at this age, but challenges will come so you have to take care of yourself in the process.

As you continue to take care of yourself, you will run into moments when you feel that your purpose is calling you elsewhere, and that’s okay. You’ll feel bad about work and sometimes get really stressed about it and want to quit…. that’s okay too. Again, take care of yourself, start doing more of what makes YOU feel good, and remove anything that hinders your growth and/or brings down your energy.

High Vibrations Only.

Continue to spend time with your family and your close friends whenever you can (there’s a whole pandemic taking place in 2020, and this will change the game for everyone). Pay attention to your parents more and more, as time goes by. I know, sounds weird, but they’ll need you more than you know, and everything will come full circle. EVERYTHING.

  • Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Be Safe.
  • Travel some more.
  • Be Safe. Travel. Travel. Travel.
  • Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaave. Pay Off Your Debt ASAP.
  • Invest in long term assets, build generational wealth (like start this process NOW, your kids will thank you).
  • Also, travel some more.
  • Paint, write, go for a hike, care for plants (what? I know, you’ll love it later in life) and use your creative gifts as often as possible, this is basically therapy for you.
  • Get used to saying those affirmations, they will not go away, you will just continue to improve them as time goes on.
  • Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Give yourself a lot of time and personal care (it’s not a good-to-to-have, it’s a requirement).
  • Be open to new opportunities, but most importantly…
  • REMAIN YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF as you always have been, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor in the work that you do while hear on this earth.
  • Always remember, you got this! *No matter what.

Love,

Older ‘You’

I don’t know what the next decade holds, but I’m taking it one day at a time, with an open mind, while focusing on what brings me happiness ultimately. Things change, jobs change, life changes, but we have to stay in touch with who we are and trust the process no matter what. If something doesn’t fulfill you, I think you should plan to move on and ride the wave of what happens next (navigating gracefully) until you get to where you want to be. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m battling anxiety as I write this, but I also feel that this has been therapy for me.

I feel lighter after getting all of this off of my chest, and somewhere in the a time warp, there’s a dimensional pocket in ‘time’ where I’m slipping this letter to my younger self, and even if she doesn’t read it until she’s older, she’ll find out all of these things in due time and I am grateful for that. Maybe I’ll check back in with another letter when I look back on my 30s. This has been helpful for me.

I saw a meme the other day, that I think many 30-somethings can probably relate to…

As I get ready to dig through 2 days worth of emails, before coming back to the madness tomorrow, I am affirming the below:

This will be a good week. I will have a productive 4 days remaining, which will set myself up nicely for another weekend getaway trip that we’re doing upstate next weekend. I will navigate gracefully and let go of things that I cannot control. I will trust the process, and the all of the universe is conspiring to ensure that I align with my ultimate purpose, as it relates to each and every experience. In due time, everything will turn out fine. All is well, and so it will be.

Love & Light*

-Tati ❤

How’s 2021 Treating You So Far?

We’ve almost made it through one full month of 2021 – can you believe it?

Some takeaways from the month of January:

  • Self Care is Priority #1 – Always! Eat well, and maintain your mental health, whatever that looks like for you (I always say this, but USE that PTO, it’s YOURS!)
  • We should really be paying more attention to the stock market *coughs, GameStop
  • Check on your strong friends, life’s been so hectic, it’s important to see how they’re doing
  • Rest in Paradise Miss Cicely Tyson – We are so thankful for all of the gifts you’ve shared with us!
  • TikTok challenges are still a thing, unfortunately
  • Ashanti won the Verzuz battle, idc idc idc!….
  • We finally got Trump OUT of here, despite his ridiculous group of supporters attempting to storm the capital. (What in the actual %!@^)
  • Last but certainly not least, my Vice President is not only a, WOMAN! She is also Black and Asian – YAS Queen!

How have you been spending your first month in the new year?

It was super weird watching the typical channels that normally televise New Year’s Eve events with large crowds near Times Square, altering their approach to a more socially-distanced setting, but I definitely enjoyed spending it with Sarina and her mom. We basically had a sleepover and binge-watched old seasons of The Real World. We’re fanatics, so that was fun. We made a bunch of finger foods and chilled out in the living room for most of the weekend, so that was also very enjoyable. I know must of us were working on our vision boards for the new year, and *I LOVE to see it! I hope you achieve all of those goals sis!

This year I have so many personal and professional goals that I want to reach, but I will trust the process and will also be sure to take care of myself, while working towards each of these achievements throughout the year of 2021. I am typically, very hard on myself when it comes to goal-setting and this year, I feel that I need to release my internal struggles with control, and just flow with the current. Meaning, whatever Life brings me, I will adapt to it as best as possible, and will try my absolute best to stay positive while seeing the blessing/lesson behind each experience as I see it through to the end. I seriously need to thank my girlfriend for helping me with simplifying my life. She reminds of the fact that “The Day is Literally What You Make It“, and promotes balance into my life, so I am *forever grateful for her.

Recently, work has been VERY stressful for me, to be completely honest, although I am doing the best I can, I’m also trying to prioritize my own mental health above all. I’ve had moments where I’ve experienced really bad anxiety, so I really think it’s important for me to try and seek therapy, in order to get an outside perspective, so that I’m not beating myself up in the process of trying to stay sane throughout all of the work-related madness. I work in digital marketing, so this field is very demanding, but it’s so fun and I honestly love it, so I’m trying my best to make my professional dreams work for me, all while maintaining balance in some way that is healthy.

I say all of this to say, that I know so many of us struggle with anxiety, but we don’t always feel the need to let others into our problems (friends, family members, therapists), and that’s OKAY! Don’t ever feel forced to release these feelings. However, I do think that after experiencing all of this recently, it is SO important to seek an outside opinion if you feel you’re reaching the point where you are getting in your own way. Meaning, your thoughts become feelings, and your feelings and emotions can have a huge impact on the way you see and move throughout life, so it’s important to feel that you have a handle on that in some way. This is just my perspective, so I am now exploring the idea of trying out therapy. (Feel free to share recommendations with me! I have absolutely no idea where to start to be honest)

Either way, I am starting off this New Year feeling very good about what the future holds. I am pushing through with an “Abundance Mindset“, and each day I give thanks for all of my blessings while saying my affirmations, so I am READY for all of the positive, new, *perfectly aligned, opportunities that are on their way to me. I just want to continuously express the highest level of gratitude to my parents, my ancestors, and my spirit guides, as well as the YOUniverse (Divine Ruler/Creator/God), for all that I have, and all that is on its way to me.

Cheers to a happy new year, a successful 2021, filled with nothing but perfectly aligned opportunities that will ultimately lead with my purpose and instill happiness within me, as I give back to the collective in some way*.

How is 2021 treating you so far?

If you’ve made it this far down on this post, thanks for coming through! I seriously appreciate it when anyone reads my blog, so this is my personal thanks to YOU! Take care of yourself*

Love & Light*

-Tati ❤

Black Thoughts

Black Thoughts are:

Thinking the reason you were approached by men in blue, is because you are brown.

Feeling your heart plummet into your left vapor max sneaker while driving, because you saw the boys pull out behind you on Rte. 80 — God Speed

Black Thoughts are:

Dealing with collective trauma that’s rooted in racial inequality..

Entirely — The reason we still carry the weight of this country’s BS on our backs and Possibly..

The purposeful negative impact placed on black people, hidden through countless, various ways..

Seeing the videos, reading the posts.. We are exhausted by these images, and there is nothing left to say. There is literally a new hashtag created for our brothers and sisters, every single day..

Over the years, my people have been distracted, but now we’re awake..

The miseducation & depicted perception, will not be our downfall — This systemic narrative has been out of DATE.

PSA: We’re coming together in EVERY state, and our hearts are united by love & faith.

…Intergenerational trauma is real. While living through a pandemic, we’ve been expected to get on with life and Just Deal…

I hope you are doing the necessary work to feel the feelings in each moment, take action, and actually HEAL in the process — God Bless

Deep within our thoughts, we must find the things that make us happy and bring us joy..

Black Joy is:

Taking care of yourself and taking the time that you need for you to feel your best

Spending time doing what you love, being around who you love, and saying F’ the rest!

Letting go, and laughing every moment you can

Hugging your family closer, and spending time to catch-up with your friends

Striving for greatness and thriving. Supporting and caring for our children, women, and men

Black Joy is:

That warm hug you can only get from your grandmother

That feeling of butterflies 🦋 amplifying the vibe, when you connect with your lover

A Mother — her power is out of this world. Her temple, giving the gift of a child, with every newborn baby boy and girl

Black Joy is:

The refreshing level of authenticity in every new, enriching connection made

The calm floating in a breeze, followed by the coolness under a willow tree’s shade

A Father — Sharing his knowledge and valuable wisdom. Followed by the genuine laughter his family brings him, as they sit down and rejoice in their blackity black-black kingdom 👑

Black Thoughts are heavy, but we must not suppress them. Instead, let any bouts of frustration, depression, and aggression be a lesson. Stay focused. We are all fighting the long fight for racial equality and True Progression

Let us transcend this energy, come together for greater change, and do things our ancestors would be proud of.

In any moment we can grasp, make sure that you drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, relax your forehead muscles and *Find Love.


I haven’t written poetry in a while, so if you’ve happened to make it down this far, thanks for coming through!

I enjoy writing about things that are meaningful to me, and in this moment (with so much on my mind), I’ve just found solace in all of the little things that bring me joy during these heavy and uncertain times.

Love & Light*

❤ Tati

I May Destroy You

This show is SO GOOD!

Okay, after Insecure ended, my girlfriend and I were on the hunt for a new show to complete our Sunday evening fix, but there was nothing really on at the time… We did hear about and see trailers for “I May Destroy You” which airs on HBO/HBOMax on Mondays at 9ET. This new jaw dropping, thought provoking, show is starring and directed by actress and comedian Michaela Coel who plays Arabella. To be honest, I didn’t feel compelled to check it out at first because I didn’t really know what it was about… The trailers just gave you a taste, but let me tell you, they had me at blood clot!…

If you’re reading this, you’re probably like “what? blood clot?”, unless of course, you’ve watched it. This show starts off like a blank canvas. You meet the main character, and dive straight into her quirkinesses. You learn that she is a writer, a beautiful black Ghanian woman who lives in a flat with roommates in London, and she basically moves with the flow of life on her own accord. She’s dealing with a long distance love connection, but you don’t really get into how that whole thing even got started until like episode 3 ( I want to say…)

Fast forward >> this girl PARTIES, okay!

Her Story: The main tipping point for me that really sucked me into commitment was when you learn that she has absolutely no recollection of the night before, when she met up with a friend and woke up the next day with a gash above her eye, bruises on her body, and a cracked phone screen… Like WHAT?!

[TRIGGER WARNING – SENSITIVE CONTENT] Throughout the next few episodes, you are taken on a wild ride while she tries to piece the night together. She hops in and out of alarming flashbacks that bring her back to that night. A lot of these memories have to do with a moment she recalls in one of the bathroom stalls in the club she was in. Unfortunately, she was raped but she can’t identify who the man is. As Arabella is picking up the pieces, she reaches out to one of her guy friends, actually the guy she initially met up with before going into the club. I should also mention — someone slipped her something, so that, on top of a hard night of partying, just resulted in a bunch of chaos.

Arabella visits the friend’s place (a guy, who apparently is in an open relationship with a woman who is also there as she arrives), and she proceeds to ask “what exactly happened last night?” He seems to be clueless, on the important facts that she needs, to get some sort of idea of what happened to her the night before. The girlfriend calls him out on a lie, which makes him super suspicious..

Arabella leaves and heads over to visit a woman who is actually the 3rd in this open relationship, that I mentioned previously.. That didn’t go well, but it’s obvious that those two were involved in some shady business (the couple, that is), because she also was present at the night of this crazy experience. Arabella takes an uber and flees the apartment complex, still on a mission to figure the whole thing out.

There are 2 other very important characters in the story.

First of all, let me just say that I love their friendship. They’re just a very cute pair, and you can tell that Terry cares a lot about Arabella. Terry is an aspiring actress who unfortunately, also has an unwanted sexual experience that she recalls while in Italy staying with Arabella during a work trip (she does not share this with her best friend).

Her Story: [TRIGGER WARNING — SENSITIVE CONTENT] She was walking to their flat, and 2 men saw her, pretended they didn’t know each other, and pursued her. At the end of their steamy ‘evening’, she realizes what she thought was a moment based on full consent, which took place between 3 strangers, was actually a sneaky and calculated plot to get Terry in bed with them. Horrible, I know.

I want to touch on Kwame as well, before I finish this post up, because his story is also one that really had me like

His Story: [TRIGGER WARNING – SENSITIVE CONTENT] Kwame is an aerobics instructor. He is a man, who spends his time browsing the Grindr app to find new fleeting love interests, whenever he feels like he’s in the mood for something ‘new’. Although he doesn’t seem to want anything serious, Kwame is approached by one of his students, who basically reveals his love for him, but he’s under the impression that he just wants to have a good time. They get together, and meetup at a guy’s house (he met this man on Grindr), the love interest is not feeling this ‘experimental’ situation, and decides he wants to leave (I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of him though). After he leaves, Kwame is ready to head out, but the “Grindr” guy doesn’t let him. He actually forces him down on the bed and proceeds to violate him.

Kwame reports it to the police after going down to the station to support Arabella with her case (as she is now meeting with the detectives to solve this), but the officer makes him feel embarrassed by the whole thing. He sends him home and basically tells him there’s nothing he can do about it. I know, it’s terrible. He was able to muster up all of this courage, to share his experience in order to free himself of this pain and the officer refused to help. It was almost as if the cop thought he would catch the cooties/germs from him or something. (Kwame started to tell Arabella, but decided not to share this with anyone, as he feels so ashamed)

Pivoting to Arabella.. She has been informed that the cops have a lead, and need to investigate further into her long distance love interest, to cross all T-s and dot all I-s (she has not shared any of this with him by the way)… Fast Forward again –> Arabella OUTS a guy who tried to have sex with her and remove his condom, putting him on blast in front of MANY people at a writers event she was invited to. LOVED that scene. This is also considered rape too, and I loved the fact that this new show is putting so much out there. As opinionated as we are, these topics surrounding rape are filled with so many perspectives, when it comes to factoring in things like consent, sexual preference/stereotypes, and gender roles, so I am actually really glad that this show is breaking ground — because it should!

I didn’t want to spend too much time on each of the episodes, because I don’t want to spoil the entire thing for you (if you’ve made it down this far), but episode 6 airs tonight, so I hope you can catch up girl because it’s getting really intense!

If you’ve happened to stop by and read this post, thanks for coming through!

Please feel free to leave a comment if you’ve watched “I May Destroy You”, and have your own thoughts/perspectives you’d like to share on the jaw dropping storyline that is shaking the table!

I am LIVING for and LOVING this Black Girl Magic, OK!

Love & Light*

-Tati

Insecure Season 4 Finale TeaCap

Lawrence dropped a BOMB on Issa!

SPOILER ALERT — SPOILER ALERT — This is a Season (4) Finale TeaCap. I will be recapping the gem that is Insecure, in depth, sharing my thoughts as well as the feedback I’ve received and perspectives shared on Twitter and Instagram. So honey, if you haven’t watched it by now, you probably should come back to this post once you do because it gets REALLY REAL.

Molly & Andrew

We start off at Molly’s company function which they are attending together. Andrew looks unenthused. One of Molly’s coworkers came over and asked if they would be coming to an after party/function that was being held after the event. Molly was all about it, but Andrew… not so much. It was at this very moment, I saw the beginning of the end. Back in the room, she continues to carry on as if nothing’s wrong. She did not see the signs. At this point, I just feel like she lives in her own world and completely neglects the issues that develop around her if they don’t directly impact the way she feels in that moment. As a direct result of this, Andrew proceeds to let her have it, and told her about herself, letting her know that it’s not all about her and that she needs to be willing to compromise in ways that she hasn’t. He was clearly fed up, and expressed how unhappy he was in the relationship due to the current state of things.

Did we not see this coming?

They had a conversation about what they wanted, Andrew pretty much thinks that they may not be a good match. Molly was STUNNED and of course she tried to work through it with him (it’s a shame that she didn’t have this same energy for Issa when they were dealing with their issues in the last episode…). She mentioned that this is the longest relationship they had both been in, and hit him with the “doesn’t that mean something?”. Andrew responded with a resting bitch face and still seemed to be over it, asking her if this is what she really wanted… You know, since she has just been doing things her way without trying to meet him in the middle with his brother, doing things on her time, only doing the things she wants to do, etc. We were left on a cliffhanger, as the scene faded away with her slowly nodding her head in agreement, signifying that she indeed wanted the relationship to work between the two of them.

Did they break up? Are they going to “take a break”? Are they going to try to work things out?… We won’t know until Season 5, but I think it may be over for these two.

Issa & Nathan

They’ve managed to keep things platonic, and Issa has made it clear that she is back with Lawrence. The good thing is that Nathan seems to respect that, and let’s her know that he will definitely abide by her wishes to keep it strictly friendly. However, it’s definitely apparent that he has not lost an interest in the relationship that could’ve been, with Issa, so.. who knows what will happen during the next season. On Twitter I feel like there is a 50/50 split between those who are in favor of a relationship with Nathan Vs. Lawrence, so we will see how this all pans out.

Tiffany!!!

In the last episode of this season, we learn that Tiffany is missing! Listen, I’ve BEEN saying that they needed to check on their friend since the very beginning of the season when she started to show the signs… The husband reaches out to Kelli (a REAL one by the way), who gathers the girls, and they all meet up to try and find her. She had been missing since the night before, and was not answering any of their phone calls/texts. This also brought Molly and Issa together, and it was tense at first, but you were able to see the guilt on Molly’s face as she looked at her best friend from time to time she knew she was wrong. They took a bus to a hotel they thought she might be staying in, after reviewing security cameras. When they made it to Tiffany’s floor, everyone felt relieved when her husband knocked on the door and she opened it up for him. They embraced eachother, and that was the end of that scene.

Tiffany apologized to her husband, and let him know that this has been hard for her. Insecure took this moment to highlight the topic of postpartum, and I truly appreciated that! I don’t have children of my own yet, but I have friends who do and this is a very REAL topic that is not widely discussed, so I am glad that Issa and her production company pushed this to the forefront during that episode. We need to have these discussions. Women deal with postpartum, more importantly Black Women and Black Men were watching this (and I’m sure a lot of us can relate, those of us with children). This creates a dialogue in order to have healthy conversations around it. I STAN! I’m glad they found her, and I’m also glad that she has a supportive husband and girlfriend group by her side to help her through this. Hopefully she is in a better place, from a mental perspective, after seeking therapy/counseling when we see her again in the next season I love Tiffany, and Amanada Seales lol.

Issa & Lawrence & Condola

Okay, I had to save this part for last because this one took a lot of us by surprised, although some of us were expecting it? At least that’s some of the feedback I gathered from Twitter. I’ll get right into it, because I have to share my thoughts on this one. Lawrence comes over to Issa’s place and they start talking, but something is wrong and it’s written ALL over his face! He let’s her know that he has something he wants to share with her. He proceeds to let her know that Consequences came by and needed to speak with him the night before. We got a play-by-play of the conversation at his place.

Condola tells Lawrence that she is PREGNANT girl!! PREGNANT!!!

Lawrence says “I thought we were being careful”

He then asks her, if she knows for sure that it’s his. She tells him yes, and then let’s him know that she is GOING TO HAVE THIS BABY. She also let’s him know that he can be “as involved as he wants to be”, either way she is keeping the child. When I tell you Lawrence looked hurt? He looked HURT. Just when you thought it was sweet, and things were going well with Issa, BOOM! So Issa is obviously shocked, hurt, disappointed all of the above. She says “So what does this mean?”.. Things are quickly going to change for them all 3 of them, and now she has a decision to make.

To stay?

To go?

To co-parent?

Nathan?

Take a break from all of it and weigh the pros and cons?

The scene ends with both of them discussing the baby mama drama on the couch (we don’t have the deets yet). Then we fade into the final scene of the season where Issa and Molly met up for a chat at their favorite restaurant. Now we don’t know what they were actually chatting about, but I’m pretty sure Issa got the apology she never received from Molly — at least she better had. I’m also sure that these two probably had a much needed and overdue heart-to-heart, that consisted of all of the bombs that had been dropped during that episode — From the possible breakup between Molly and Andrew to the new baby on the way.

@heyhevhynn via Twitter

It goes without saying that this was a great season! The momentum seriously built up in a way that I didn’t expect, especially towards that ending. Aside from that I want to applaud Issa Rae and her production team again, for the Visuals and the Necessary Topics highlighted during this season, all were very captivating and relatable. This brings me to my next point and final question:

Do YOU think Issa should stay with Lawrence?

I created a poll on my IG story to see what other people thought, and at first it seemed like the majority of folks were definitely not in favor of Issa and Lawrence trying to work things out with a co-parenting situation in place, but it actually ended up resulting in a tie almost (43% said Yes and 53% said No).

Poll on my IG story @callme_tati_

Many of us had been rooting for Lawrence and Issa‘s love reconnection, so it felt personal when he dropped that bomb on her about the baby he is now having with Canola Oil. From the feedback I collected, a lot of folks felt that she was being Petty Labelle after deciding to keep the baby, with a man she is not currently with. Just sharing some points and perspectives that were shared on Twitter:

@JoyyUnSpeakable via Twitter
@evelynwoodsen via Twitter
@CheikMarcellus via Twitter
@demelmichael via Twitter
@NiaKnowsTooMuch via Twitter
@Crissles (The Read Podcaster) via Twitter. Shares a fair perspective..

Here’s what I think:

Lawrence just received a job offer in San Francisco that is providing him with travel costs, an entire team he is managing, as well as a personal assistant — so he’s got a big enough bag to support his child it seems. He needs to take care of his responsibilities, regardless of whether or not the mother is able to care for the child on her own from a financial standpoint. I don’t agree with Condominiums telling him that he can be as involved as he wants to be, he should provide for the child and be present. I also think that co-parenting can work, as many people do it. My parents have done it, and they were still able have healthy relationships while caring for me separately. We have to remember that the child was conceived when Issa and Lawrence weren’t dating. However, this type of relationship (and all of the changes that come with it) is something Issa has to want for herself — Period.

Issa should take a step back, and weigh the pros and cons, to really dive into this moment and analyze the situation in a way that will uncover the best route to take, for her. Ultimately her happiness is priority #1. She can either decide if she feels this is what she really wants, to reconnect and build with Lawrence as there would be a long distance and co-parenting situation that she will need to factor in. — OR —

Maybe she doesn’t want that? She can also just decide that this is not for her, and take a break from dating in general to focus on her. She is definitely in her Goal-Getting Mode and I love it. There’s also this idea of Nathan coming back into the picture (romantically), not to say that she has to move on at this moment, as that would be way too much for her right now — but I can definitely see him being a character that we focus on in the next season.

Issa has some serious decisions to make, I hope we won’t have to wait until 2022 to see what unfolds in Season 5, because — COVID, but I will leave you with this, as I completely agree:

@iLLmak3Ufamous via Twitter
@amour_nynhaa via Twitter

If you’ve happened to pass by and read this post, I hope you enjoyed this TeaCap! If you have viewpoints on the topics I’ve shared within this post, feel free to lend your perspective. I love the conversations that stem from the Insecure episodes.

Love & Light*

-Tati

Molly & The Madness — Insecure Episode 9

All I could say was WOW at the end of that episode on Sundayyyy! Before I read Molly, I plan to go in chronological order, so let’s start with Issa and Lawrence, shall we?

So… in Episode 8, we finally got to see Lawrence and Issa meet up. They went on a date, and enjoyed each other’s company, really enjoyed it. They met up for drinks, had dinner, and then walked around to check out some art. Let me just say that the cinematography in this season is ON POINT, colors, angles — love it! I would also like to take back my previous comment regarding a potential re-connection between these two, because after watching them interact with each other, you can tell they just get one another (in a way that flows way more naturally than their previous short-lived dating experiences).

Lawrence confesses that he has been thinking about her, and has been wondering if they could’ve done anything to make the relationship work. This got a little spicy, as they both laid their cards out on the table, but it was necessary (I should mention, Condola is also texting Lawrence as they’re having dinner, and wants to meet up). As these two are hanging out, you could see how comfortable they were with each other, and they gelled pretty well. The most important thing is that there seems to be some growth established here from both sides, so that is a plus, and yeah I actually am here for it…

So… to fast forward and head over to Episode 9, prior to the ending of episode 8, we see that Issa and Lawrence are getting along so well, that he invites her up to his apartment. Issa uses the bathroom, and comes back in to see that he just got off of the phone with Condolences, I mean Condola. To make a long story short, Issa didn’t want to leave, and Lawrence didn’t want her to go either, so you guessed it, things got really hot and heavy between the two of them, she wound up spending the night, and skipped her jolly self all the way over to her apartment the next morning (smiling the entire way).

Episode 9:

We see that these two love birds have been hanging out very often, staying over and doing things that ‘couples do’, so it was only right that Issa asked Lawrence if he had any loose ends still floating about. He responds by saying that he’s cut things off with Condoleezza Rice, and that he enjoys the re-connection they have now as things have been working well for them. He’s happy, she’s happy, but I should also mention that he is looking to get a new job and move to San Francisco while Issa is in LA. so there’s that. Issa has been an open book with Lawrence, and lets him know that she is planning to help an ex move (Nathan), but clarifies that their relationship is strictly platonic.

Now, I feel that many of us, after going through all of these changes would want to run and tell their best friend, because obviously this tea is piping HOT, and who better to share it with, right? Well, I’ll get to that in a second..

Switching over to Molly, who is at her therapy session — thank you baby jesus! Lord knows Miss Molly has needed to do some soul searching. She proceeds to talk about all of the stress she’s dealing with, how her relationship is harder than she thought it would be, and that she feels she does not owe an apology/doesn’t feel like she could’ve done things differently regarding her issues with Issa although that is her “best friend“. Her therapist basically let’s her have it in the nicest way possible, by unpacking her control issues with just about everything that is important to her which may be adding to the stress, like her job, her relationship with Andrew, her friendship with Issa, and even feeling loss of control in the situation involving her father’s infidelity within her parents marriage —WHEW A Word! Basically as she dissects this, her therapist is asking Molly to look within when it comes to deciding whether or not her friendship with Issa serves her anymore.. You know, since she doesn’t want to actually do the work to meet her halfway and resolve the issue.

Switching back over to Issa, as our dear good-good girlfriend decides to be the bigger person, by calling Molly up and asking to meet up for brunch (and kudos to her, she is better than me, because I think it’s time for Molly to play that role). They meet up, and have a cordial sit down, laughing and kee-keeing as they normally would. She lets Molly know that she’s helping Nathan move, and Molly lies and tells her that her vacation was fun — when we really know how it went down. So yeah, in a nutshell, the chit chat ended on a nice note BUT they didn’t really dive into their issues, which I thought would’ve been a priority.

Molly goes back to her boyfriend Andrew’s house to fill him in on how it went. She was cold. She said that it seemed like a surface-level conversation and that they did not talk about the real root of their previous issues, but mentioned that she showed up so she played her part… Grrrrr, I did not like that. Andrew remains unbiased and tells her that he should meet Issa halfway, as this is all a misunderstanding, and she disagrees with him, of course. Moving back over to them and their relationship, in my opinion there are issues brewing there too. We all know that the trip to Mexico went South because Molly and her boyfriend’s brother got into an argument. It seems his brother tried to make amends by inviting them both to a Clippers game, but she turned him down and told him to go without her.

One thing to note is that Andrew is increasingly becoming uncomfortable (from what I can see), by Miss Molly’s slight control issues that rear their ugly head from time to time, and he also seems to be bothered by the fact that she’s not really trying to take the first step in trying to salvage the sour relationship she has with his brother. My friend and I were watching this on Sunday night with my girlfriend Sarina (our ritual), and we both agreed that not getting a long with family, or at the very least trying to make an effort is a DEAL BREAKER. I really think Molly needs to let go of her control and avoidance issues, but we all have things we need to work on I suppose (I’m just hoping this doesn’t mess up ALL of the meaningful relationships that she has with people, because we’re heading there, and I can see Andrew wanting to put the breaks on this if she doesn’t stop being so uptight…)

Back over to Issa, she’s on the phone with Lawrence, letting him know how things went with Molly during brunch, but her feedback was the complete opposite of what Molly shared during her conversation with Andrew. She said that it went very well, and that she really missed her soooo…. yeah there is definitely a disconnect there. Issa goes over to Nathan‘s place to help him move, and she lets him know that her and Lawrence are back together. He had negative things to say about him (although he’s never met the guy — *eye roll*), and proceeds to let her know that he actually ghosted her (in the last season), because he was dealing with sorting through his bipolar disorder — and there we have it ladies and gentleman, the real reason he left. Let’s just hope he doesn’t do anything outlandish during the last episode, now that he knows she is back with her ex, and clearly still has a thing for her.

Molly & Issa:

Final point, you know I had to save this for last. Issa is over Andrew’s house with Nathan and Molly after they finish up with the move. From the moment they arrived, Molly was making it super awkward as if she didn’t really want them to be there. She pretends as though she does, and keeps up with the pleasantries to avoid making it uncomfortable. As they are playing a drinking game, Molly sends the wrong text (meant for Andrew) to Issa and it reads “See? I’m trying with her.”……

Issa reads the text, and replies letting her know that she read it, and clearly decides to leave. They begin to talk outside, and Molly let’s her know that she feels like everything between them is being forced. Issa let’s her know that she is trying, but she is not meeting her halfway, and didn’t realize that Molly felt that way about her. She then tries to dig up the real issues that seem to have Molly in this space with her, but Molly… still.. is not budging. Issa states that she can’t be the only the one who wants to make the friendship work, and do you know what Molly says? “Maybe who you are now and who I am, just don’t fit anymore”…. SIS you are BREAKING UP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND, FOR WHAT exactly?

I felt so bad for Issa, as if she was my home girl in real life. As she stood there and listened to Molly’s madness, her eyes were tearing up, and she looked so hurt and disappointed by what Molly had to say to her. Her response was one I definitely supported after all of that though. She said “OK”, and Molly proceeds to hit her with the “OK?!”… Yes, OK! She really irked me when she proceeded to stand there as though Issa was just supposed to beg her for their friendship, when she has specifically chosen to not lift one finger and do the work to contribute in an effort to resolve their problems, in order to move past them. That is what two mature adults do, but Molly still has to dig deeper inside of herself to see that she was wrong in that situation.

Anyways, my good sis Issa did the right thing, and threw in the towel after that. She preserved her energy and got a ride home, while Molly stood there appearing to be shocked by her response for some reason. Hoping that will be the last time she treats her friend like that, because Issa was never coming from a place of malice at any point within the season (in my opinion). Issa got in her lyft and that was that, poor thing. I guess we will have to wait and see what the Season Finale will be like , but I personally think that Molly is going to catch herself in a situation where she is going to face challenges within her relationship (as things have been getting a little rocky lately). She may find herself losing control once again, but if/when that does happen: Sis! WHO You gonna call?

I went on a Twitter rant on Sunday night after watching that last episode, and this is what I had to say to Miss Molly Carter:

Molly girl, I just —
• Please Self Reflect
• Be Accountable
• Pick & Choose Your Battles
• Know when to be the Bigger Person
• Support Your Best Friend
• Recognize what you Can/Can’t Control

I will of course, report back with my thoughts on the tea that is brewing for this upcoming Sunday during Episode 10 (can’t believe the season’s almost over). Shout out to Kerry Washington for directing that episode, she did the damn thing, because we were ALL talking about it. Also, shout out/congrats to Yvonne Orji (Molly in Real Life). She has a new comedy special out on HBO “Yvonne Orji: Momma I made It!” and she killed it! — So good, and I’m so happy for her. Definitely recommend watching it, if you haven’t already.

If you’ve happened to pass by and read this post, thanks for coming through!

If you watch Insecure, feel free to comment/share your thoughts here too if it interests you. I love a good chat.

Love & Light*

-Tati