A Note To My Younger Self

I remember looking in the mirror at the age of like 14/15 or so, and thinking…

Hmmm I wonder how I’m going to look when I’m like 30. How will I carry myself? Will I be married, or on my way to my second child by that age? What kind of car will I drive? Will I be living in New York City? What will I be doing for a living? What will 30 year old me look like, and how will I feel at that big age? Will I be mature enough to handle all of life’s adult challenges?

Teenage me felt like 30 years old was such an established, GROWN WOMAN age, and at 32 going on 33 next month, I still feel the same way (but there are so many layers to this). My mindset has morphed throughout my teenage years and throughout my early 20s. I’m so thankful for my life experiences, and for all of the life lessons I’ve learned. My individual, personal, and professional relationships have all contributed to the personal I am in this current moment.

So much has changed over the years. That 15 year old girl staring at herself in her bedroom mirror on the 3rd floor of her mother’s house would’ve never have imagined that she’d go on to attend 2 colleges in the span of 4 years, graduate with her bachelor’s degree (*on time), and become a member of an amazing multicultural sorority. The love sessons I had to learn were probably some of the toughest, but I grew so much from them, and found the love of my life (again) at the age of 30. I couldn’t imagine having a daughter in my 20s, although I thought I would, because my mother did (and she did an amazing job, might I add). I just had so much to grow through and learn before I could give a child the best source of love that I could be able to provide. Side bar, can’t even believe I’m saying this but.. I think I’m ready for this step, once we get a little bit of travel exploration and home-buying goals crossed off of our list….. wow this is next level adult mindset sh*t lol.

One thing’s for sure, two things for certain, your 20s are fun and liberating but your 30s are even better for a multitude of reasons. I am only going on year 3 in this decade, but so far all of the things I’ve heard about, regarding how you personally feel about/perceive certain challenges is so much different (in a *positive way). I wouldn’t say that you let every challenge or frustration just roll off of your back, but you start to see the bigger picture, and really identify with the fact that you have to trust the process and move throughout life in a way that aligns with your higher self (selfless when you factor in the collective experience, *because everyone is connected). I also, tend to take better care of myself, when I realize that I’ve fallen off from that (this is something I’m working on). As time goes by, I only want to nurture that understanding, and continue to prioritize self-care even more because it’s so important.

Things that bothered me in my 20s definitely don’t bother me now. The way I would deal with certain challenges in the past, is definitely not the way I would deal with them in this moment. It’s above me now.

I’ve written about certain moments, where I’ve reflected on my personal challenges at 32, and in hindsight, while I battle with the ‘Monday Scaries’ since I used PTO on Friday and Monday (it is now Monday evening heavy sigh), I want to write a letter to my younger self. So here she is:

Dear You,

Hey Girl, what’s up it’s probably not even that serious, whatever you’re currently going through so let it go. We’ve got bigger things on the horizon. Only make moves when you hearts in it, and live the phrase sky’s the limit, like Biggie said. Whoever you are stressing about right now, if going to fade away faster than a one hit wonder, so if it doesn’t serve your happiness, move on. Keep that drive, it will help you in the long run, I know that you channeled it in other ways in the past, but we will grow from that. Anger does not serve you in any way (always remember that).

Try to limit moments when you want to act impulsively. This does no one any good, and you just wind up kicking yourself in the a$$ anyway when it’s all said and done. Each time you want to go from 0-100, think to yourself “Is this really worth it? Probably not”, because 9/10 it’s probably not, and you’ll thank yourself later when you take the high road, although Ms. Pride does not want that.

Have fun when you’re dating, none of this sh!t will last until it feels right, but draw those boundaries once you learn from one important lesson, or you’ll be put in more situations where you’ll be served with the same lesson in a different form (don’t believe it? you’ll start to see a pattern, the more you don’t listen to yourself). When you do meet The ONE, embrace it boo because she’s everything you want and more (yes, I said *she and I know you’re probably not surprised…or maybe you are lol). Try not to let past challenges trigger you in any way. Although it’s easier said than done, the lessons you’ve learned about yourself in failed relationships, once applied to your forever-relationship, will show you how much you’ve grown and how divinely timed this moment is once you’re ready for real, true, and unconditional love.

Your job search is going to be ROUGH at first boo. I’m here to tell you to CHILL, no for real, Chill. Again, I know you’re over it, but this is when you have to also understand that you can’t control everything and you have to *TRUST THE PROCESS. In due time, it will all turn out fine. You’ll get the job that puts your foot in the door, you’ll make great professional connections and meaningful personal relationships along the way when your career takes off. You’ll hit a wall, more than once, but you just have to know that you can get up and *YOU WILL ELEVATE after each trip along the way. Stay focused on bettering yourself, jobs will come and go. You’ll be in rooms you never thought you’d be in, and excelling to levels you never even envisioned at this age, but challenges will come so you have to take care of yourself in the process.

As you continue to take care of yourself, you will run into moments when you feel that your purpose is calling you elsewhere, and that’s okay. You’ll feel bad about work and sometimes get really stressed about it and want to quit…. that’s okay too. Again, take care of yourself, start doing more of what makes YOU feel good, and remove anything that hinders your growth and/or brings down your energy.

High Vibrations Only.

Continue to spend time with your family and your close friends whenever you can (there’s a whole pandemic taking place in 2020, and this will change the game for everyone). Pay attention to your parents more and more, as time goes by. I know, sounds weird, but they’ll need you more than you know, and everything will come full circle. EVERYTHING.

  • Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Travel. Be Safe.
  • Travel some more.
  • Be Safe. Travel. Travel. Travel.
  • Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaave. Pay Off Your Debt ASAP.
  • Invest in long term assets, build generational wealth (like start this process NOW, your kids will thank you).
  • Also, travel some more.
  • Paint, write, go for a hike, care for plants (what? I know, you’ll love it later in life) and use your creative gifts as often as possible, this is basically therapy for you.
  • Get used to saying those affirmations, they will not go away, you will just continue to improve them as time goes on.
  • Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Give yourself a lot of time and personal care (it’s not a good-to-to-have, it’s a requirement).
  • Be open to new opportunities, but most importantly…
  • REMAIN YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF as you always have been, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor in the work that you do while hear on this earth.
  • Always remember, you got this! *No matter what.

Love,

Older ‘You’

I don’t know what the next decade holds, but I’m taking it one day at a time, with an open mind, while focusing on what brings me happiness ultimately. Things change, jobs change, life changes, but we have to stay in touch with who we are and trust the process no matter what. If something doesn’t fulfill you, I think you should plan to move on and ride the wave of what happens next (navigating gracefully) until you get to where you want to be. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m battling anxiety as I write this, but I also feel that this has been therapy for me.

I feel lighter after getting all of this off of my chest, and somewhere in the a time warp, there’s a dimensional pocket in ‘time’ where I’m slipping this letter to my younger self, and even if she doesn’t read it until she’s older, she’ll find out all of these things in due time and I am grateful for that. Maybe I’ll check back in with another letter when I look back on my 30s. This has been helpful for me.

I saw a meme the other day, that I think many 30-somethings can probably relate to…

As I get ready to dig through 2 days worth of emails, before coming back to the madness tomorrow, I am affirming the below:

This will be a good week. I will have a productive 4 days remaining, which will set myself up nicely for another weekend getaway trip that we’re doing upstate next weekend. I will navigate gracefully and let go of things that I cannot control. I will trust the process, and the all of the universe is conspiring to ensure that I align with my ultimate purpose, as it relates to each and every experience. In due time, everything will turn out fine. All is well, and so it will be.

Love & Light*

-Tati ❤

How’s 2021 Treating You So Far?

We’ve almost made it through one full month of 2021 – can you believe it?

Some takeaways from the month of January:

  • Self Care is Priority #1 – Always! Eat well, and maintain your mental health, whatever that looks like for you (I always say this, but USE that PTO, it’s YOURS!)
  • We should really be paying more attention to the stock market *coughs, GameStop
  • Check on your strong friends, life’s been so hectic, it’s important to see how they’re doing
  • Rest in Paradise Miss Cicely Tyson – We are so thankful for all of the gifts you’ve shared with us!
  • TikTok challenges are still a thing, unfortunately
  • Ashanti won the Verzuz battle, idc idc idc!….
  • We finally got Trump OUT of here, despite his ridiculous group of supporters attempting to storm the capital. (What in the actual %!@^)
  • Last but certainly not least, my Vice President is not only a, WOMAN! She is also Black and Asian – YAS Queen!

How have you been spending your first month in the new year?

It was super weird watching the typical channels that normally televise New Year’s Eve events with large crowds near Times Square, altering their approach to a more socially-distanced setting, but I definitely enjoyed spending it with Sarina and her mom. We basically had a sleepover and binge-watched old seasons of The Real World. We’re fanatics, so that was fun. We made a bunch of finger foods and chilled out in the living room for most of the weekend, so that was also very enjoyable. I know must of us were working on our vision boards for the new year, and *I LOVE to see it! I hope you achieve all of those goals sis!

This year I have so many personal and professional goals that I want to reach, but I will trust the process and will also be sure to take care of myself, while working towards each of these achievements throughout the year of 2021. I am typically, very hard on myself when it comes to goal-setting and this year, I feel that I need to release my internal struggles with control, and just flow with the current. Meaning, whatever Life brings me, I will adapt to it as best as possible, and will try my absolute best to stay positive while seeing the blessing/lesson behind each experience as I see it through to the end. I seriously need to thank my girlfriend for helping me with simplifying my life. She reminds of the fact that “The Day is Literally What You Make It“, and promotes balance into my life, so I am *forever grateful for her.

Recently, work has been VERY stressful for me, to be completely honest, although I am doing the best I can, I’m also trying to prioritize my own mental health above all. I’ve had moments where I’ve experienced really bad anxiety, so I really think it’s important for me to try and seek therapy, in order to get an outside perspective, so that I’m not beating myself up in the process of trying to stay sane throughout all of the work-related madness. I work in digital marketing, so this field is very demanding, but it’s so fun and I honestly love it, so I’m trying my best to make my professional dreams work for me, all while maintaining balance in some way that is healthy.

I say all of this to say, that I know so many of us struggle with anxiety, but we don’t always feel the need to let others into our problems (friends, family members, therapists), and that’s OKAY! Don’t ever feel forced to release these feelings. However, I do think that after experiencing all of this recently, it is SO important to seek an outside opinion if you feel you’re reaching the point where you are getting in your own way. Meaning, your thoughts become feelings, and your feelings and emotions can have a huge impact on the way you see and move throughout life, so it’s important to feel that you have a handle on that in some way. This is just my perspective, so I am now exploring the idea of trying out therapy. (Feel free to share recommendations with me! I have absolutely no idea where to start to be honest)

Either way, I am starting off this New Year feeling very good about what the future holds. I am pushing through with an “Abundance Mindset“, and each day I give thanks for all of my blessings while saying my affirmations, so I am READY for all of the positive, new, *perfectly aligned, opportunities that are on their way to me. I just want to continuously express the highest level of gratitude to my parents, my ancestors, and my spirit guides, as well as the YOUniverse (Divine Ruler/Creator/God), for all that I have, and all that is on its way to me.

Cheers to a happy new year, a successful 2021, filled with nothing but perfectly aligned opportunities that will ultimately lead with my purpose and instill happiness within me, as I give back to the collective in some way*.

How is 2021 treating you so far?

If you’ve made it this far down on this post, thanks for coming through! I seriously appreciate it when anyone reads my blog, so this is my personal thanks to YOU! Take care of yourself*

Love & Light*

-Tati ❤

Unplugged • Social Distancing

It’s that time again… Every once in a much needed while, I decide when it’s necessary for me to take a social media break. A ‘social time-out’ or ‘pause’ if you will. Most recently I’ve felt that this break was definitely needed. Today is Sunday, and after a day jam packed full of adulting, I decided to do absolutely nothing with my girlfriend… Because self care, and on this day of relaxation, I found the need to write about what it means to remove yourself from the *other ‘social atmosphere’. Sometimes you just HAVE to unplug🔌

Yesterday I spent the majority of my day at the motor vehicle service agency. I actually went to 2 different locations, because I realized the first location I went to was suddenly no longer taking registration renewals (which is what I came for). In all fairness, I was prepared lol. However, there was a lesson learned that I think applies to many of us 20/30Somethings:

We must continue to remind ourselves that we have to adapt to any and every situation we face in life. Remember to flow through and take what comes gracefully. That way you effectively manage your balance in the moment, and manifest ideal outcomes

So as I previously stated, Saturday morning I went to the first motor vehicle station. Stood on line for nearly 3 hours, to find out that they were not doing registration renewals that day…

…Drove out 30 minutes or so to the next motor vehicle service station and waited for about another 3 hours in multiple lines — but I renewed my registration! I also managed to get my inspection done, and passed❤️. I people watched quite a bit, and it was such a funny/interesting experience (because I haven’t had much face-to-face group interaction in a whiiiile). I don’t know why, but Riding Dirty by Chamillionaire kept playing in my head all day. Saturday, Adulting at its finest.

Responsibilities aka Sponserberleries

Going back to ‘social distancing’ — Most recently I’ve been focusing on taking better care of myself, from all angles. With this in mind, I thought it might help to put a bit of a pause on social media. Time spent, needs to be limited when you’re just checking the same apps over and over again, too frequently, and dealing with Real Life Sh*t all at once (we need to be present). I’ve also been working on awareness, so social media breaks are necessary, since they’re easy distractions, and gateways to content rabbit holes 🕳 . One minute you’re reading an article on Vanity Fair, the next, you’re looking at a vlogger’s 5th conspiracy theory video on YouTube.

The other day, I got on one of the social apps I browse through often, and saw that someone posted negative hate comments regarding the lgbtq+ community under one of the photos posted of my girlfriend and I. Of course I deleted the comments and blocked the account, but I just thought to myself “What the hell is wrong with some people?”

I personally feel that with everything going on in the world right now… All of the heavy societal issues, on top of personal life and work responsibilities… Adapting to life during a pandemic, all during a moment that will change the course of this nation for the next 4 years, coupled with all of the other pressures 2020 has place upon everyone in the world… It was just time to disconnect.

What I love about social media, is its unique way of bringing information to people while also building likeminded connections and networks. I also love its ability to develop a space for people to create and share artistic ways of expression, using a variety of platforms to highlight important topics. The information well is endless! However I’ve learned, that by checking Twitter, Insta, Facebook (pick your poison), too often, this results in Information Overload.

Sometimes you have to silence the “socials”

Many people temporarily deactivate their accounts, delete the apps, and come back to them when they’re ready. I simply just don’t open them up until a decent amount of time has passed, and that’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. I’ve been trying to stay present. I do have to admit, that I pop on Twitter here and there, and have obviously started this draft on WordPress, so I haven’t eliminated outreach content completely (writer’s problems I suppose). However, there’s a certain energy that comes with some of the other apps that are mainly for Show & Tell. You know the ones…

I needed a break, so I took one. Not sure when I’ll be back on and in tune with what’s trending, but for now, I’d like to stay present and aware of my surroundings. I’m also focusing on staying healthy, working on mindfulness and the thoughts I tell myself within each and every moment. I’ve been very involved in caring for our plants, writing when I feel the urge to, painting recently which was fun, and exploring nature when I’m able to.

To be completely honest and transparent, I’ve had to reel myself back in to get it together and focus on my peace. Stress is never healthy, and it can have impacts on you in many ways, so I’ve been making more time for me. Taking any breaks that I can from anything that’s overexerting my energy, doing more of what makes me happy, listening to myself (and being aware of the narrative), I’ve even given myself a hug, because I can be very hard on myself — but I’m working on that.

I swore I wasn’t going to get political in this post, but I’ve been watching the ‘dueling town halls’ and election debates that have been airing recently, and I can’t believe we’re actually here, but we are. With everything going on in the senate, and attempts being made to roll back progress on how far we’ve come with human rights… It’s upsetting. Right now, we run the risk of women losing their personal right to choice in regards to reproductive rights.

The LGBTQ+ community is on edge, as many of us are planning to get married and build beautiful families with our partners.. With certain laws and rights taken away from us, we run the risk of A: Putting our future plans on hold -or- B: Just doing away with those plans entirely 😩.. This is so discouraging and unsettling, because we deserve the right to live our lives and build our families, without government officials standing in the way of that.

Yet the current state of power and potential redirection of rights, suggests that we could be at risk of losing a lot of what we’ve fought so hard for… This is why we have to do all that we can to collectively come together to make sure our voices are heard. We need positive change with effective action and a side of justice (heavy on the justice). Don’t even get me started on the electoral (what year is this?) college… I’ve said this before, but this all feels like we’re watching a bad reality show, that you can’t turn off, and yet — this is real life. Yet again, there is still so much to be grateful for.

We just have to make the absolute best of each and every moment in life, because everyone’s journey is different, and your problems could be minuscule, in comparison to someone else dealing with different challenges. I have had many moments of gratitude throughout each day. I vocally give thanks for all of the blessings in my life, and when I’m dealing with moments of creeping anxiety, I light palo santo, take a few deep breaths, relax my shoulders and my eyebrows, and calm my mind for clarity before changing the channel.

Writing is very therapeutic for me, so it helps. My girlfriend is also freaking ah-MAY-zing, and has been so loving and supportive, as I ride through these emotions 🎢 . She’s riding with me through it all, and I’m so grateful for the beautiful energy she continues to bring into my life. This Tuesday there’s going to be a meteor shower, so we’re planning to watch it. I’m excited for that. I also would LOVE to REALLY unplug and go off the grid with Babe. Away in a beautiful woodsy area, preferably by a lake tucked in a cute little autumn foliage vibe filled forest.

We have something planned for her birthday. A tiny home in upstate New York in the woods. We can’t wait! I plan to blog about it when we get back🧡. It’s going to be the getaway we need, although I’m yearning for something that we can do sooner. So many people have been traveling to other countries, I guess before Miss Rona gets worse? (We’re also starting to see spikes in certain parts of the country) I’m not sure we’re quite there yet, ready to travel outside of the country that is. I’ll have to feel a lot more reassured before making a traveling move like that any time soon.

For now I’m focused on my peace, mental and physical health, finding my balance, maintaining awareness and/or mindfulness, and surrounding myself with *Only The Good Things.

This was truly a lazy Sunday. I loved absolutely everything about it. I’m so very grateful. Cherish the day✨

If you’ve happened to come through and make it all the way down this post, thank you so much for reading! Stay safe. Be kind to yourself. Make it a habit to pause anything that’s draining your energy and care for YOU, whatever that may look like: Meditation, going for a run, cooking, artistic creation, caring for your plants, journaling…

Have a wonderful week.


Affirmation: This will be a great week. I will navigate through each and every moment gracefully. I will control my storyline by paying attention to the narrative, and by making the best decisions for me. Taking the time I need to, when I need to. All is well.

Love & Light ❤

-Tati